


Can't Continue

by amorluzymelodia



Series: Can't Continue [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationship, F/M, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-02-20 20:16:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2441633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorluzymelodia/pseuds/amorluzymelodia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A/N: For the purposes of this fic, lets say this is before Sam and Dean have their anti-possession tattoos. </p><p>Note: THIS CHAPTER HAS PARTS THAT HAVE BEEN REWRITTEN (those who have read this before will know what I'm talking about)</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Y/N, get the fucking door!” Tyler yelled and even though you were in the middle of a bath you jumped out and wrapped a towel around yourself, knowing if you hesitated any longer he would get angry. And that was the last thing you needed.

 

You ran downstairs and ripped open the door, freezing when you saw the two attractive men standing before you. They were dressed in suits, a bit cheap-looking but still nice and had professional looks about them. They were both extremely tall, towering above your 5’2” frame. The taller one had long brown hair and light hazel eyes, and the shorter one had pouty lips and short brown hair with emerald eyes.

“You okay, miss?” the taller one asked and you cleared your throat, realizing you were staring at them, your mouth hanging open. You clutched the towel closer to you.

“S-sorry yes I’m fine. Can I help you?”

“Yes actually you can,” the taller one said, pulling a badge out of his jacket and flashing it at you. “I’m Agent Mercury, this is my partner agent Cooper. “

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you introduced yourself.

“We’re from the FBI and we need to ask you a few questions about the killings happening around the neighborhood?” the taller one said. You frowned but stepped back so they could move past you.

“Um okay, please come in. Let me just go get my boyfriend, he’ll want to speak with you too.”

They thanked you and followed you inside. You led them to the sitting room and asked them to wait before rushing upstairs into your room, dropping the towel and slipping on some jeans and an old tee shirt. Tyler was sitting on the bed, playing a video game. You took a deep breath to prepare yourself and cleared your throat.

“Tyler?” you said quietly. He didn’t respond so you spoke louder. “Tyler there’s some FBI agents downstairs. They want to talk to us about Joan and Scott’s murders.”

“In a minute,” he snapped and you fidgeted, knowing the agents were waiting downstairs.

“Tyler, it seems really important and I don’t think it’s fair to make them wait when they have questions—“

“Jesus Y/N!” he said, throwing the remote across the room. You flinched and he got up, grabbing your arm and dragging you out of the bedroom. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again or so help me god.”

“Okay, I’m sorry Tyler, I’m really sorry,” you said quietly, looking down at your feet. Tyler gripped your arm tighter and wrenched you back towards him.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, bitch,” he hissed and you did as he asked, terrified. “Good. Get downstairs.” He shoved you forward and you caught yourself on the bannister before tripping down the stairs.

“Miss Y/L/N, is everything okay? We heard some shouting?” one of the agents, the one with the green eyes, asked kindly as you came down the stairs, trying to keep a calm look on your face.

“Yes, it’s fine. I just had the television on a bit loud.” You found yourself covering for Tyler yet again. Even when he was just yelling you felt like you had to lie for him. After all it was your fault, you should have waited patiently for him to finish his game. “Agents, this is my boyfriend—“

“Tyler Shelling, nice to meet you,” Tyler said, holding out his hand. He was all smiles and courtesy now.

“Agents Cooper and Mercury,” The taller one said, shaking Tyler’s hand; he held it out to Agent Cooper, who just stared at him. Eventually, Tyler dropped his hand awkwardly.

Tyler turned to you and jerked his head towards the kitchen. “Y/N, go get the agents some drinks…Y/N!” he snapped, when you didn’t respond immediately and you flinched slightly.

“Iced tea okay?” you asked quietly and the agents smiled at you.

“Iced tea sounds great,” Agent Mercury said, smiling at you kindly and keeping eye contact for a long moment.

When you got back with the drinks, with an extra beer for Tyler even though he didn’t ask—you knew he’d be furious if you didn’t get him one—you sat next to Tyler on the couch and the agents sat across from you.

“We had some questions about the recent murders around town…”

Tyler answered all of the agent’s questions with politeness and accuracy, the whole while holding your hand on the couch. You only answered when asked a direct question, and always with a silent nod from Tyler telling you that you had permission. You noticed both agents staring at you with a bit of concern and confusion. When they finally were done with the interview they got up, thanking you. Tyler shut the door behind them, turning to glare at you.

“What the hell was that about?” he demanded and you frowned.

“What?” you asked and flinched as he came at you, towering over you.

“You know what! You were completely staring at that agent! Just because he likes undressing you with his eyes doesn’t mean you have the liberty to flirt back you skanky bitch!”

You shook your head quickly, knowing where this was going and wanting to stop it in its tracks.

“Tyler I’m sorry please I didn’t realize I just came down in my towel and he was staring I didn’t mean to stare back I swear—“

“You what?!” he shouted. “You came down here in your towel? You fucking slut, you’re just looking to cheat aren’t you?”

You backed up into the couch, trying to speak calmly though your heart was pounding. “No, Tyler! I just wanted to answer the door because you told me to and you were busy playing your game so I didn’t want to interrupt!”

“Don’t you turn this on me! This is your fault, you can’t keep you pants on, can you?! I’m the one who provides for you, who loves you! Why would he even want you? You filthy dirty whore, you’ll sleep with anything that moves even though you know I’m the only one who will ever love you!” With that he hit you across the face, sending you crashing into the couch.

You started to cry which made him angrier and he hit you again, gripping your hair and making you look at him. Blood was dripping out of the side of your mouth and your head was aching from his blow.

“You’re so worthless, you know that?” he said, in a deceptively soft voice. “You’re stupid and ugly and no one could ever love you. And even when I do everything I can for you, you still go off and eye fuck the nearest guy in the room! I do everything for you and this is how you repay me?!”

“T-Tyler…” you stuttered but your voice made him drag you up by your hair and throw you against the wall, pictures shattering behind you, sending glass everywhere with the blow knocking the breath out of you. He put his hands around your throat and growled at you like an animal, choking you. You knew you would pass out so you did the only thing you could think to. You hit him back. He went stumbling backwards as your fist hit the side of his head and you had not a moment of peace before a terrifying look crossed his face and he kicked you in the ribs, making you hit the wall with so much force you were sure there was a dent. You collapsed on the ground, gasping and crying and bleeding. Tyler loomed over you, hitting you a few more times before calling you some more names, offering more threats and telling you he was too tired to deal with your shit and you could sleep in the yard for all he cared. With that he went up to bed.

You sat against the wall in tears, trying to breathe through the pain of your broken ribs and many cuts from the glass that had pierced your skin. There were definitely more bruises covering your body and you knew your face was the worst of it. You wiped the blood from your mouth and curled in a ball, wallowing.

You couldn’t be mad at Tyler, not really. After all it was your fault that he’d gotten angry. If you hadn’t gone downstairs half naked, or made him stop his game or let that agent stare at you then he wouldn’t have gotten mad and he wouldn’t have had to punish you. It was always your fault, you couldn’t do the simplest things. When he asked you to cook dinner you burned it, when you went to the store you always forgot what he’d asked you to get and you always got home late. No matter what you did you were worthless and you knew it. No one would ever want you. Your parents kicked you out, your siblings didn’t talk to you and you had zero friends. Tyler was all you had so you couldn’t be angry at him. You would make it up to him, anything he wanted.

The doorbell rang, shocking you out of your reverie and you slowly pushed yourself up off the ground, wincing when your ribs screamed in pain. You peeked out the peep hole and saw Agent Mercury. You quickly brushed you hair in front of your face, trying to shield the damage Tyler had done and opened it before he could knock again, in fear of the noise waking Tyler up.

“Agent,” you whispered, glad that the porch lights didn’t reach your face.

“Sorry I know it’s late I just realized I forgot to give you my card and—“ he paused, his eyes creasing as he stooped down slightly, his eyes searching your face. “Are you okay?”

You swallowed. There was no way he could see the bruises right? The last thing you needed was for Tyler to find out about this.

“Yes I’m fine. Thank you for your card but it’s late and Tyler’s asleep so…” You didn’t want to close the door on him but you didn’t want Tyler waking up and finding you with the very man he’d accused you of wanting to cheat with.

“Y/N are you sure you’re okay? You’re bleeding.” He pointed at your lip and you panicked, wiping the blood off your chin.

“Just bit my cheek by accident. Happens to the best of us.” You tried to laugh it off but it came out slightly manic and you could tell he didn’t buy it.

“Y/N…” he said kindly, his eyes looking like puppy dog eyes more than anything. “Did Tyler do this to you?”

As much as you wanted to defend Tyler, tell this agent that he would never hurt you, that he wouldn’t do this, you couldn’t find your words. The agent nodded and you saw anger flash in his eyes and your heart skipped a beat; perhaps he would blame you for not being able to protect yourself and get angry too.

“Has he done this before?” he demanded and his tone frightened you enough into telling the truth…or some of it anyway.

“He always apologizes. Sometimes it takes him a few days but…” you swallowed. “He’s a good person he just…Besides it’s my fault…I shouldn’t have made him angry.”

“This isn’t your fault! God, Y/N what could you have possibly done to warrant this?”

“I—“

Before you could answer, you heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Tyler called your name. You panicked and looked to the agent. “Please, you have to go! If he sees you here—“

“You’re insane if you think I’m leaving you here with him!” he hissed, not bothering to keep his voice down.

Tyler came down the stairs, just in time to see you and the agent arguing and you could tell by his face he assumed the worst.

“What the fuck is this?!” he shouted, pounding down the stairs and storming at you. Your first reaction was to hold up your hands and ward him off but he grabbed your wrist and pulled and you felt it snap, crying out. “You dirty little whore! I knew you were cheating!”

“No Tyler please he was just—“ But he wasn’t listening. He shoved you to the ground and raised his hand to slap you but it never came. You looked up and saw the agent holding his arm, so tightly Tyler—who was very strong—couldn’t move it.

“Touch her again and I’ll blind you,” the agent said, and though he looked more terrifying than Tyler had ever looked, you weren’t afraid of him. His gaze wasn’t directed at you but at Tyler.

“Fuck off!” Tyler yelled, struggling to get free. He raised his other arm to punch the agent, who took him down with ease, giving him a bloody nose.

The agent looked at him for a split second and then rushed to you, picking you up bridal style and racing you out the front door. Tyler stood at the front door, spewing slander your way.

“If I ever see you again, I’ll kill you both!” he shouted but the agent didn’t say anything, sliding you into the front seat of a black Chevy Impala and getting in the driver’s side. He sped down the road and you finally felt the pain and exhaustion take you over and you passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

When you woke up, you were in a dingy motel room. Bandages covered your body and your ribs and wrist burned. You opened your eyes slowly and saw the two agents sitting at the table, laptop and books open. They were speaking in hushed tones but the room was small and you heard every word.

 

“Dammit Sammy what are we supposed to do with her?” the shorter one was saying. “We can’t exactly take her with us!”

“She can’t stay there Dean!” the other, who must be Sam, said angrily. “You didn’t see him! He used her as a fucking punching bag! We need to get her as far away from here as possible. From the looks of things I don’t think he’s giving her up that easy. What do you suggest we do? Leave her here to be abused more?”

Dean rubbed his hands over his face. “No, no of course not.” There was silence for a moment and you moved slightly, moaning when your ribs protested. Both men’s heads shot in your direction and they got up when they saw you were awake.

“Whoa, don’t move too much,” Sam said, kneeling next to your bed. “We had to reset some of your ribs, and your wrist. You’ll heal but it might take some time. I’m Sam Winchester by the way. This is my brother, Dean.” Dean raised his hand.

“You feeling okay?” Dean asked. “We’ve got some painkillers and copious amounts of alcohol if you need it.”

“I don’t drink,” you said honestly, grimacing at how pathetic your voice sounded. “Wait, you said you’re brothers? I thought you were partners?”

Sam looked down like he was embarrassed but Dean answered for him.

“Yeah about that…we aren’t actually FBI. We’re hunters. We hunt demons, monsters…the works.”

You stared at them in shock for a moment before covering your eyes with your hands.

“So what am I some kind of sacrifice to some pagan god?” you asked sarcastically and they looked at you like you were crazy.

Dean laughed slightly. “Uh, no. We hunt the sons-of-bitches, not sacrifice to them. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Except Tyler,” you whispered and Sam frowned.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore, Y/N,” he said kindly. “We won’t let him hurt you.”

You looked at him skeptically. “I’m sure. You guys don’t know me, I can’t ask you to take care of me. You don’t know anything about my life, and I’m sure as hell not going to throw my pathetic baggage on you.”

“Believe me sister, we’ve got plenty of baggage ourselves,” Dean said and you couldn’t help but notice how serious he was when he said it. “And it doesn’t matter if we don’t know you. No one deserves to be a human punching bag. Take it from someone who knows.”

You stared at him for a long moment, realizing that in some form he’d been through what you had. He smiled a small, knowing smile at you and you sighed.

“So you guys hunt…monsters?” you asked quietly, trying to ignore the ache in your ribs and wrist and the throbbing of your head. Something occurred to you. “Is that was killed Joan and Scott?”

“A banshee, yeah,” Sam said, still kneeling by your bedside. “But we took care of it, don’t worry.”

“And by ‘took care of’ you mean…”

“We killed it,” Dean finished your sentence and you weren’t sure if his answer made you feel better or worse.

These men were clearly killers. You hadn’t noticed before but now you saw various weaponry lying around the motel room. Dean clearly had some old blood stains on his green jacket and you saw a cut on Sam’s arm that had obviously been stitched with dental floss…and not well. But on the other hand they were also the ones who had saved you from an abusive relationship…as you now realized it was. Sure Tyler loved you but he had hurt you again and again, always telling you it was your fault, that you were worthless and pathetic and making you think you were the reason so many terrible things happened in his life. Sitting in a room with complete strangers who may or may not be serial killers made a lot of things clear about your life with Tyler.

Dean sat down on the end of the bed and looked at you, speaking quietly. “But now our only problem is this son of a bitch Tyler. We’re not going to let him hurt you anymore. I swear.”

You looked down at your hands, fidgeting. Tears filled your eyes and rolled down your cheeks. Sam quickly sat next to you, brushing the tears away.

“Hey hey, shh,” He cooed. “Y/N it’s okay now. You’re safe, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

But you couldn’t believe him, and you shook your head. “You saw the way he looked Sam, he won’t let me go anywhere. He’ll come get me and he’ll…he’ll…” you couldn’t breathe and your chest was on fire.

“Hey calm down!” Sam grabbed a vial of pills off the side table and put a few in your hand. “Here takes these.” You swallowed the pills and took some deep breaths. “Y/N how long has he been doing this?”

You felt yourself going numb, ignoring your own voice and just letting the words flow. In truth it felt good to tell someone, to finally let your own personal horror story be let out. The boys listened patiently, nodding along and getting angrier with each word.

“It started about a year ago. He just yelled at first, and to be honest I yelled back. I just thought it was what normal couples did you know? But then one night he got angry and hit me. He was all apologies and favors after and he swore he wouldn’t do it again but…he didn’t stop. He wouldn’t let me leave the house without him, wouldn’t let me talk on the phone if he couldn’t listen to my conversation. He was convinced I was cheating, or trying to get him fired. No one would believe me if I told them and he made sure I knew that. People like him. He’s charming and friendly and he made me into his pet. This isn’t the first time he’s broken my ribs. One night he got drunk and he wanted to…um,” you took a deep breath, not wanting to elaborate but knowing you should. “I told him no and tried to push him off of me but he’s strong and I…I couldn’t get him off. That happened a few times after that. And he never apologized for that.”

The boys just stared at you in shock for what felt like an eternity and then Dean got up, punching the wall so hard it left a dent. You flinched but Sam shushed you, holding your hand.

“Motherfucker!” Dean yelled, still fuming. “I’m gonna castrate that asshat!”

Dean’s voice was loud and you saw him ready to punch something else. You barely knew him and you weren’t one hundred percent sure he wouldn’t hurt you so you cringed against the pillows and closed your eyes tightly. Sam squeezed your hand.

“Dean,” he breathed. “Calm down, you’re scaring her.”

Dean took some deep breaths and sat down on the bed again. You opened your eyes and saw him staring at you kindly, though he was still red in the face.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I just don’t like thinking about you getting hurt.” 

“You don’t even know me,” you pointed out yet again but he shook his head.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. No one deserves what he did to you. And we are not going to let him hurt you again. If he wants you back he’ll have to get through us and believe me that’s pretty damn hard.”

A small smile found its way to your lips. Your eyes drooped and Sam patted your hand lightly.

“You must be exhausted. We’ll let you sleep for a while, and don’t worry we’ll be here if you need anything,” Sam said kindly and you nodded, already half asleep. Your broken ribs ached and your head was pounding and you drifted off quickly.

You woke up to someone lightly touching your forehead. You shot up in bed, breathing hard and letting a small scream out. Standing in front of you was an attractive man in an old trench coat and backward blue tie. He didn’t look threatening but something about him made you nervous. He was pulling his hand back from your forehead and he walked over to the Winchesters, speaking quietly.

“She’ll be okay now. I’ve healed her ribs and her wrist but there’s a lot of emotional damage I cannot heal. You will need to watch her for a while,” he said, his voice deeper than you were expecting.

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said, smiling at him and patting him on the shoulder.

“What’s going on?” you asked breathlessly, still wary of this new strange man.

Sam rushed over to the bed and took your hand. “Y/N this is Castiel. He’s an angel, he healed your ribs and your wrist. He’s a little bit odd but he means well.”

“You—you healed me?” you asked quietly and Castiel nodded. “Because you’re an angel?”

“An angel of the Lord, yes,” Castiel said, still wearing that stony expression.

You touched your ribs lightly and moved your wrist around gingerly, reveling in the fact that you were in fact healed. You stared at the three men in awe.

“Thank you,” you breathed, still moving your wrist in small circles. You wanted to say more but suddenly your phone buzzed in your back pocket. You jumped a bit but reached behind you and pulled it out. The screen read that you had twelve unread messages, all from Tyler.

Tyler: I’m sorry.

Tyler: Please Y/N.

Tyler: Come home baby.

Tyler: I need you. I can’t do this without you.

Tyler: Where are you? Are you with those fucking cops?

Tyler: Y/N answer me. Now.

Tyler: I swear to god if you’re cheating I will make your life a living hell.

The rest of the messages followed that same pattern. His threats got more severe. Though you knew he was miles away and had no idea where you might be, you could hear him shouting those threats in your face and though you were healed, your ribs had a sort of phantom ache and you felt like you were choking. Sam quickly took the phone from you and read the messages quickly, handing it to Dean and then Cas. With Sam rubbing soothing circles on your back it was easier to remember that Tyler couldn’t hurt you but you were still frightened. What if he tracked your phone? What if the three of them realized that you were more trouble than you were worth and threw you out on the street with nowhere to go except back to Tyler? As you sat there your phone buzzed again. Dean read it and looked to you warily.

“What does it say?” you breathed, not sure you wanted to know.

Rather than answer Dean looked to Sam. “Can I talk to you for a second? Cas?” Cas immediately walked outside but Sam looked at you.

“Dean I’m not gonna leave her alone right now.” You were touched at his kindness but patted his arm.

“I’ll be okay. You’ll just be outside the door right?”

Sam nodded. “Just give us five minutes.” With that he followed Dean outside. The three of them were keeping their voices down so you couldn’t hear what they were saying but by the tone of the conversation you guessed it was an argument.

Dean had taken your phone with him so you couldn’t check to see what Tyler had sent. Obviously it wasn’t good or Dean wouldn’t have asked to speak to them privately but what could be so bad that he didn’t want you to hear what they were saying? Panic set in as thoughts ran through your mind. Maybe they were realizing that you were pathetic and worthless and getting ready to toss you on your ass. Or worse, maybe they realized it really was your fault that Tyler was abusing you and planned to take you back to him. Your lungs felt like they were getting smaller and you couldn’t breathe. You concentrated on small things to calm yourself down.

Sam had left his bag open and you saw more plaid than a department store. On the other bed there were some books scattered and shakily, you moved to pick one up. On the front cover was a demonic sigil and when you opened it you realized everything was in Latin. Of course you couldn’t read Latin, having opted to take Spanish in high school. However the pictures were enough to keep your mind off your current situation. There were pictures of people getting mauled by a large three-headed dog, skeletons crawling out of the earth, monsters with long teeth and huge red eyes and on one page a skeletal creature with bony hands and legs. You snapped it closed and looked at the other books. One in particular caught your eye.

It wasn’t a book so much as a journal. It was old and weathered, the leather faded. You opened it and saw a few pictures, one of Sam and Dean with an older man with a lot of beard and an old baseball cap on his head. They were smiling but it seemed forced. You flipped through the rest of the journal, coming across more notes about creatures than actual journal entries. One monster—something called a Wendigo—actually used to be a human but after eating too much human flesh became this creature. You found a few notes about banshees but didn’t want to think about your friends getting killed so skipped on to demons. Just when you were getting into some truly horrifying notes the door to the hotel room opened and you looked up in fright.

“Hey!” Dean shouted, moving towards you rapidly. “Don’t touch that!” He ripped it from your hands and you skittered away. You curled in a ball against the bedframe, covering your face with your hands like you would do when Tyler got angry. However the blow you expected didn’t come. Slowly you lowered your hands and saw Sam and Dean looking at you sympathetically. Castiel was gone.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Dean said quietly, obviously trying not to scare you. His hands were raised in front of him like a criminal showing a cop he wasn’t armed. “I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just…that was my dad’s. I don’t let anyone touch it.”

“I’m sorry,” was your immediate response but he shook his head.

“Don’t be. You didn’t know.”

“I should have asked, I shouldn’t have just gone through your things like that—“ Dean cut you off.

“Y/N, stop. It isn’t your fault, I shouldn’t have gotten mad. I’m sorry.”

You looked at him, confused. It had been a long time since someone had apologized to you and actually meant it. And from the look on Dean’s face he was completely sincere. He handed it back to you and you took it slowly, but didn’t dare open it.

“Find anything interesting?” Dean asked, grinning slyly.

You laughed slightly. “Well I definitely believe you hunt monsters. Are all of these real?” you asked, skimming the pages again. Dean nodded.

“Each and every one. That’s a hunter’s journal. It’s kind of like a log book for hunters. Keep track of monsters you’ve killed, cases you didn’t solve, that kind of thing.”

“And this was your dad’s?” you asked and Dean nodded. “What happened to him?”

You sensed Dean didn’t like talking about it but he answered anyway.

“He was killed by a demon.” He didn’t say more.

“I’m sorry,” you said, looking down but he shrugged. “Is this him?” You pointed at the man in the picture and Dean shook his head.

“No that’s, uh, that’s a family friend. Bobby Singer. Actually that’s what we wanted to talk to you about. We think it’s time we get going.”

Your head fell and you nodded, trying not to cry. “Yeah I figured. I’ll get out of your way.” But when you started to stand up Sam put his hand out to stop you.

“Whoa whoa, that’s not what we meant!” he said and you sat back down. “We just meant that all of us are going to move. And our friend Bobby,” he pointed to the picture, “said we can stay with him for a bit.”

You were still confused. “And you want to take me with you? Why?”

Sam looked at you, shocked. “Because we want to keep you safe.”

Something dawned on you and you looked between the brothers. “What did the text say?” When neither of them responded immediately you panicked. “What did it say? Where did Castiel go?”

“He tracked your phone. He’s coming to get you.” Dean’s voice was monotone and you could tell he’d been in situations like this before and that he wasn’t phased. However you were panicking. Tyler had tracked your phone. He knew where you were. He was coming. He would hurt you again. Dean saw you start to panic and started throwing things in his duffle. Sam sat down with you.

“That’s why we’re leaving, Y/N. So he can’t find you! We’ll leave your phone here so he comes here and doesn’t know where to look next! We won’t let him hurt you again I swear.”

As desperately as you wanted to believe him you couldn’t. If Tyler was willing to track your phone he wouldn’t stop until he found you. Dean slung his duffle over his shoulder and checked to make sure his gun was loaded before sticking it in the back of his jeans. The sight of a gun should’ve freaked you out but at this point all you could think about was Tyler hurting you again. Sam slung his arm around your waist and helped you out to the impala, sitting in the back seat with you while Dean drove.

 

“It’s about a ten hour drive to Bobby’s,” Sam said and you nodded, wrapping yourself in a ball. You knew you wouldn’t calm down the entire drive and settled in for the longest ten hours of your life.


	3. Chapter 3

It was late when you got to Bobby’s. Almost one in the morning. Bobby owned an old salvage yard with more abandoned, run down cars than you could count. His house was run down too, with remnants of a woman’s touch he hadn’t cleared away. A throw pillow here, an old quilt there but from the obvious lack of it being kept up you guessed whoever she was, she was gone. Bobby was a lot like his house, run down and rugged but with a softer side that was still poking through. He greeted the boys with a one armed hug and gave you a fatherly smile.

 

“You must be Y/N,” he said in his gravelly voice and you nodded. “Sorry you had to drive with these two. I know Dean’s music can get annoying.”

“Shut up,” Dean spat, helping himself to a beer in the fridge. You smiled.

“I didn’t mind it actually,” you admitted. Tyler had always listened to scream-o and rap, which you despised but even a suggestion at changing the station would earn you a slap. You liked listening to something new and actually pretty good, if a bit outdated. “You have a nice home,” you said awkwardly and Bobby laughed.

“Don’t have to lie to me, sweetheart. But it’s stocked up and about as safe as you can get so make yourself at home.” He led you into the kitchen were Dean was drinking a beer and Sam was messing around with a phone.

“Whatcha doing Sam?” Bobby asked but Sam didn’t look up.

“In case he got my card I’m taking the chip out of my phone so he can’t track it. I don’t think he did but better safe than sorry.”

You folded your arms over your chest, fidgeting awkwardly. Bobby noticed and went to fridge.

“Beer Y/N?” he asked but Sam answered for you.

“She doesn’t drink.”

Bobby looked surprised. “That’s a first. These boys drink it like water.”

Dean snorted. “Just because you’re an alcoholic, don’t mean the rest of us are.”

Bobby closed the fridge and handed you an iced tea. You took it gratefully and took a sip. It was wonderful. The boys talked to Bobby about what you assumed were some cases they’d worked on together but you drowned most of it out. When they were done Bobby pulled out a pot and turned on the stove.

“I’ll whip something up for supper. Why don’t you boys get Y/N settled in?”

“Sure thing. Come on Y/N.” Dean waved at you, leading you up the stairs. There was an extra bedroom and while it only had a bed and a dresser it was homey and the comforter was soft. Dean put his duffle on the bed and pulled out an old flannel shirt. He awkwardly folded it and placed a pair of boxer shorts on top of it. Sam entered the room behind you, carrying a towel.

“The bathroom is just down the hall,” he said. “You can take a shower if you want. I know it’s been a tough few days.”

Dean handed you his shirt and boxer shorts. “You can sleep in these if you want. They’re probably gonna be huge on you but it’s more comfortable than your jeans. We’ll go in to town tomorrow and get you some clothes. And don’t bother saying we don’t have to. It’s no trouble really.”

You nodded and accepted the towel and clothes. They left you alone and you walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you tightly. You stripped off your jeans and shirt and looked at yourself in the mirror. It appeared when Cas healed you he didn’t just heal your recent injuries. All the scars from past altercations or week-old bruises were completely gone. Even the scar from the time you’d fallen through a glass door when you were six had disappeared. It was nice, a fresh start. You could forget that Tyler had ever touched you. Unless he found you of course.

And there was one thing he’d taken from you that you couldn’t ever get back. And you assumed that was what Castiel meant when he said there was too much emotional damage for him to heal. You shook your head and brushed through your hair with your fingers. You turned on the shower hotter than usual and stepped into the spray, letting it wash over you and clean off the dirt and grime from driving and the cheap motel.

There was shampoo but you didn’t feel comfortable using Bobby’s so you left it alone. Instead you opted for the toothpaste, squeezing some on your finger and brushing your teeth sloppily. A knock on the door made you jump.

“Y/N?” It was Dean. You heard him crack the door and peeked out, making sure your body was covered. You saw him with his eyes closed tightly, holding out a bar of soap. “Figured you’d want this. I’ll leave it on the counter.” He placed in next to the sink, still closing his eyes and left.

You waited until you heard him go downstairs and stepped a foot out of the shower, grabbing the soap. You lathered some in your hands and washed your body thoroughly, trying to scrub any remnant of Tyler off of you. Not wanting to use all the hot water, you twisted the knobs until the water stopped and stepped out, wrapping a towel around yourself tightly. Once you were dry you ran it through your hair, using your fingers to separate the strands a bit. You hung the towel up on the rack and slipped on your panties and bra before putting on Deans boxers—which were admittedly huge on you—and finding a safety pin in one of the drawers to hold them up, and buttoning his shirt that went down to your knees anyway. After gathering your dirty clothes you headed back to the guest room, noticing how Dean’s bag was gone. You placed your clothes on top of the dresser and walked quietly downstairs.

The three men were having a heated discussion but stopped when you entered. Three pairs of eyes staring at you made you feel uncomfortable. Even though you’d met two of these men for the first time dressed in nothing more than a towel, you felt out of place and embarrassed dressed in Dean’s clothes. You fidgeted awkwardly but none of them said anything. Sam pulled out a chair for you.

“Sit down,” he said kindly. “Bobby makes the best chili in the state.”

You swore you saw Bobby blush but he just waved his hand. “You’re making me sound soft, boy.”

As you ate you noticed how comfortable these three were with one another. They bantered, joked, argued like a family would. Bobby even scolded Dean when he tried to grab the last roll. You figured out that even though their father was gone Bobby had made a wonderful surrogate and they looked at him with such affection you could only assume this relationship had been going on for a while. A small smile left your lips as you sat there, content to watch them bicker like twelve year olds. When your eyes started to droop, Sam smiled at you.

"I think someone’s ready to hit the hay,” he said but you shook your head.

“No I’m fine,” you said groggily. “You guys keep talking, don’t let me interrupt.”

Sam just shook his head and slung his arms underneath your knees and back, lifting you like you were a rag doll. You should’ve been nervous but for some reason you trusted him. He bid goodnight to the others and carried you upstairs easily, laying you in the soft bed of the guest room and pulling the covers over you.

“Sam?” you whispered and he turned from where he was at the door, his hand on the light switch. “Thank you…”

He smiled but you didn’t see it for you were already asleep.

Tyler was standing over you, wielding a knife. He hit you across the face and you felt your jaw break. You tried to scream but nothing came out. No one was around and you felt completely lost as Tyler slashed at you. You tried to get up and run but your body was moving in slow motion.

“You can’t get away from me you bitch,” Tyler taunted you, coming closer, and his steps were slow and controlled. “You’re mine and I will find you. Just you wait and you’ll regret ever leaving me.” And with that he plunged the knife deep into your chest.

You woke up screaming, cold sweat dripping down your face and neck with your borrowed shirt drenched in it. For a moment you panicked, forgetting where you were but remembered quickly. Rain was pounding against the windows and your room was lit up with the occasional lighting strike. The thunder made it seem like the house was being knocked down and you curled in a ball, breathing deeply. You screamed again as someone kicked open the door and you saw a large silhouette of a man holding a gun.

“Tyler, please don’t hurt me!” you cried, burying your head in your arms. “I’m sorry! Please! I’m sorry!” you couldn’t stop the tears flowing down your cheeks.

Someone gently touched your shoulder but you flinched away, sure it was Tyler coming to hurt you more. But no one hit you, no one even raised their voice. They spoke very quietly and kindly.

“Y/N, hey, it’s not Tyler. It’s me. Sam. I’m not going to hurt you okay?” you looked up to see Sam standing with his hands raised, though the gun was still in his right hand but you were grateful he wasn’t pointing at you. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. See?” He unloaded the gun and placed it on the dresser gently and you relaxed a bit. “I won’t hurt you.”

“Sam,” you breathed. “I—I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” You felt terrible that you had cost him sleep; you’d guessed hunters didn’t sleep as often as normal people did and he looked exhausted.

But Sam just shook his head, sitting on the very edge of the bed. He moved slowly, like was trying not to frighten you. “Don’t worry about me. Are you okay?”

You nodded shakily. “Just a nightmare.”

“About Tyler?” Sam guessed and you nodded, still wrapped in your little ball, your arms wrapped around your knees. “Y/N he can’t hurt you anymore. We are literally in the middle of nowhere and we ditched your phone. He won’t find you here, okay?” He touched your cheek lightly and you nodded, leaning in to his touch. It had been a while since anyone had just innocently touched you. Tyler always expected something when he touched you…or he was hurting you. Sam’s hand was much larger than Tyler’s but much gentler.

“I don’t want to bring my crap down on you,” you said quietly, looking down at your hands. “You’ve all been so kind to me and if I get you hurt or in trouble…”

“Trust me, Tyler can’t hurt us. And we’re no strangers to trouble so don’t worry about that. It’s you we’re worried about.”

“You shouldn’t be.” You hated how pathetic you sounded but you needed him to understand. “I’m not worth it. Really I’m not. I’m not important, I shouldn’t be inconveniencing you like this.”

Sam didn’t say anything for a long moment but placed his hands on either side of your face and gently tilted it up to look at him. His eyes were kind but intense.

“Listen to me, Y/N,” he said seriously. “You. Are. Important. You are worth it. I don’t care what Tyler told you. You are definitely worth saving. You do not deserve to be hurt like he hurt you. Do you understand?”

You shrugged, tears leaking out again. He stroked a piece of hair off your face and tucked it behind your ear.

“How he could hurt you…” he shook his head. “How he could just abuse you like that will always be a mystery to me. You’re so kind and so beautiful—“ he stopped short at that when your head snapped up.

“Now I know you’re lying,” you said sadly. “I’m not beautiful. Tyler made sure I knew that.”

Sam looked like he was trying very hard to control himself. He clenched his fist on his leg and took a deep breath, smiling at you. “Y/N listen to me. You are beautiful. I promise you that. Both of our breaths stopped when you walked downstairs in that towel, let me tell you.” He laughed slightly and you couldn’t help but smile too. “Tyler’s a liar who knew he didn’t deserve you so he broke you down to get what he wanted. You’re wonderful, Y/N. I’ve seen a lot of horrible things in this world and believe me you are one of the things to be cherished. Even Castiel saw that.”

“He did?”

Sam nodded. “He said he was surprised to see how brightly your soul shone with all the torment you’d endured. He said he’d never seen someone so kindhearted that it was physically noticeable. To angels that is.”

The flattery made you blush and look down at your hands but you smiled. Just then the thunder boomed and lightning cracked, causing you to jump slightly, reminded of Tyler. Sam noticed and put his arms around you instantly. He pulled back quickly, as though realizing you may not want to be touched. As he pulled away, you grabbed his hand and nodded at him. He patted your hand. As much as you wanted him to stay, you felt odd asking that of him. He’d already done so much that this just seemed awkward. Also you had to admit, even if only to yourself, that being in a bed with a strange man made you nervous. Even though you knew Sam wouldn’t try anything, it reminded you too much of Tyler and his perverted actions towards you too often. But you were afraid that if you fell asleep again, and you were alone the nightmares would find you. As the thunder roared again your fears grew larger and you flinched. Sam noticed.

“Look I know you’re fine on your own but I’m really lazy and don’t want to walk all the way downstairs again. Mind if I stay here tonight?” Sam said sneakily and you smiled at him.

“Thanks, Sam.” You moved over to give him some space and like a gentlemen he stayed on top of the covers and didn’t get too close to you. You curled in a ball on your side, facing Sam. He placed his hand on top of yours lightly but didn’t make any other moves. You fell asleep staring into his eyes, and no more nightmares plagued you that night.

You woke up comfortably warm, tucked into Sam’s chest. He was holding you lightly, his breath warm against your cheek. His hold wasn’t invasive or inappropriate and it was loose enough that you could get out if you wanted to. With a sigh you closed your eyes, enjoying the moment before jumping as Dean barged in, yelling.

“Wake up you two! Bobby’s got breakfast and then it’s shopping time!” He didn’t seem surprised that you and Sam were in the same bed but you jolted up and scooted away from Sam, who threw a pillow at his brother.

“Dammit Dean, get out!” he shouted but Dean just winked and closed the door. “I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said, his cheeks flushed a light pink.

You shook your head. “It’s okay. He’s just being a brother.” 

Sam nodded and got up, brushing a hand through his hair. “I’ll let you get dressed. See you downstairs,” he said awkwardly and left the room. You giggled slightly at his awkwardness.

You put your dirty jeans and shirt back on, not wanting to wear Dean’s clothes to the store. You went into the bathroom and brushed your teeth with your finger again and splashed water on your face, grateful that you weren’t wearing any makeup. Your hair was a mess so you tied it up in messy bun on the top of your head, letting some strands fall around your face before heading downstairs.

Bobby had made a feast. Pancakes, bacon, eggs and homemade hash browns. It smelled wonderful and as you sat down you had to refrain from grabbing everything within your reach. Tyler hadn’t let you eat anything fattening because he claimed you were pudgy enough as it was. The opportunity to eat whatever you wanted enticed you, even if that nagging about your weight was still there in the back of your mind. Dean pushed a plate towards with a tall glass of water next to it.

“Eat as much as you want. Bobby always makes enough to feed a small country.” 

Bobby was leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in his hands. “That’s only because you boys eat enough for twelve. Don’t worry Y/N, I won’t let them eat it all before you get any.”

You laughed. “Thanks Mr. Singer,” you said but he shook his head, smiling.

“Nuh uh, you call me Bobby.” He patted you on the shoulder kindly. You ate your breakfast quietly, watching the men talk again. This morning’s conversation was about something called a vetala. Apparently it was killing some bikers off the highway and needed to be taken down.

“I don’t know Bobby, can’t Rufus or Garth take care of this one?” Dean asked through a mouthful of bacon and pancakes. “We’ve kind of got our hands full.” He gestured to you with his fork and you immediately sat up.

“If you need to work I don’t mind staying behind. Fighting monsters has gotta be more important than babysitting little old me.” You tried to smile but the truth was you didn’t really want to be left alone in a strange house where you weren’t completely sure that Tyler couldn’t find you. Sam shook his head quickly.

“It’s not babysitting, Y/N. We want to make sure you’re safe,” he smiled and took your hand.

“Why don’t you and Bobby go take care of the snake-bitches?” Dean offered after a large swallow of coffee. “Y/N and I can handle shopping right, Y/N?”

Even though you’d spent more time with Sam, you trusted Dean too and thought it would be good for you to spend some time with one of your saviors. You nodded and though Sam looked apprehensive he nodded.

“Alright, Bobby we’ll hit the road as soon as you’re ready,” he said, standing and patting your shoulder before leaving the room.

Dean stood up quickly and wiped his hands on his jeans. “Okay let’s get going!” he smiled a goofy smile at you and you couldn’t help but laugh.

Dean drove faster than you’d ever experienced but he and the car—which he called Baby—seemed to be one fluid entity. His music was loud but you enjoyed it; it drowned out your thoughts and you could just enjoy the wind in your hair and the first feeling of freedom you’d had in a long time.

The store was about two hours away and it also wasn’t very large, but it would do. Dean seemed to feel awkward helping you pick out clothes, so you offered that he go look at the auto shop next door while you shopped around.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” he asked although he was already inching towards the door.

With a laugh you pushed his arm gently. “Go on! I think I can handle finding a pair of jeans.”

Dean pulled out his wallet and handed you a credit card. “Alright well here. Get whatever you want.”

“Siegfried Houdini?” you asked, raising an eyebrow and Dean fidgeted.

“Uh yeah…hunting doesn’t exactly pay the bills.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “It’s just um—“

“Whatever.” You sent him off.

Truthfully it bothered you a bit how easily you seemed to fit in with this life. Hacked credit cards, sending boys off on a monster hunt, hiding from the cops. But it was better than with Tyler. As you scanned the rows of jeans you found a few pairs that you liked and then moved on to tops. There wasn’t a large selection but you managed to find a plain black long sleeved shirt, two flannels and a few cheap but practical tee shirts. Dean had said to get anything you wanted so you picked up a few more sets of underwear and a plain bra. As you were on your way to check out you picked up a toothbrush for yourself. Just as you were about to call it good you saw a leather jacket poking out of the racks and seemed drawn towards it. You slipped it on over your shirt and looked in the mirror. It fit perfectly and made you look tougher than you were. A voice startled you but you turned and saw Dean.

“That works for you. Makes you look like a badass,” he smiled at you and you blushed.

The truth was you knew Tyler would hate this and that made you hesitant. He hadn’t let you buy anything you truly liked and as much as you had wanted a leather jacket he said it made you look too butch or like a kid playing dress up in her dad’s closet. He nearly threw you through a wall when you showed him one you liked online, claiming you were wasting his money even though you hadn’t even bought it.

“It’s too much, I look like I’m a kid playing dress up.” You started to slip it off but Dean walked up and pushed it back onto your shoulders.

“Y/N, I’ve been with a lot of women,” he said and you scoffed.

“Um okay, thanks Hefner…”

Dean quickly backtracked. “No! No! I just meant that I consider myself quite the ladies’ man and believe me if I saw you in a bar wearing this…I’d be hitting on you so fast it would make your head spin.”

“Really?” you asked shyly and Dean tipped your chin.

“Oh yeah. Super sexy.”

You bit your lip and slipped it off, putting in the basket with the other items. Dean also bought you a candy bar and soda and the two of you headed back towards Bobby’s but you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw a cop car and the cop talking to none other than Tyler Shelling. You quickly turned around and hit Dean’s chest. He put his hands on your shoulders and bent down to your level to look you in the eyes.

“Whoa, whoa Y/N what’s wrong?” he asked and you saw his hand move to his gun on his hip.

You couldn’t speak due to the rapid breaths coming through your lips. You just hooked a thumb over your shoulder and Dean followed it. His face immediately fell and he shielded you with his body, moving you towards the car, both of you keeping your heads down. He helped you into the passenger seat and got in the driver’s seat, pulling out with a screeching noise.

“Duck down,” he commanded but you weren’t afraid of him. You did as he said and covered your head with your arms, trying to think straight and catch your breath. Dean pulled out his cell and dialed a number, speaking quickly.

“Sam! What’s the news with the vetala? Well, gank the bitch and get back here! Tyler found us.” Sam’s voice raised and you covered your ears. “No he didn’t see us! Of course not, I’m not an idiot Sam! She’s…” He shot a glance at you and his face fell. “She’s not great, Sammy. Just get back here as soon as you can.”

He ended the call and you felt the engine rev as he sped up. Within an hour you were back at Bobby’s. Dean parked all the way in the back, hiding the impala with a tarp when you got out. You collapsed on the ground, great heaving sobs wracking your body. Dean picked you up and sat you on his lap on the ground, rubbing your back consolingly.

“Y/N!” he said loudly and you looked up at his blurry form, the tears fogging your vision. “Y/N it’s okay! You’re safe, I promise you’re safe. We won’t let him hurt you I swear.”

You shook your head. “You also said he wouldn’t know where I was. You said he didn’t have anything to track us with! And he’s here Dean, he knows I’m here! He’ll find me and he’ll take me back and he’ll—he’ll—“ you cut off, not able to breathe.

“It’s okay, shh. I’ve got you, I’ve got you baby girl,” Dean cooed.

The sound of another car nearly made your heart stop but it was only Bobby and Sam. Sam leaped out of the car and rushed to you, picking you up and wrapping you in his arms. You were shaking but he held you tightly.

“Shh, shh,” he whispered, brushing a large hand over your hair. “I swear we will not let him hurt you again. Even if he finds us, he’ll have to go through us.”

As he spoke he led you inside, sitting you on Bobby’s old couch. You hardly noticed Bobby hand you a glass of liquid until you took a sip and cringed.

“What is this?” you refrained from spitting it out.

“Whiskey,” Bobby said quietly. “Believe me it’ll help.”

It couldn’t hurt. You shrugged and chugged it, knocking it back in one gulp. You were shocked when you hardly flinched, finding a steel in your bones you didn’t know you had.

“How the hell did he find us, Dean?!” Sam was yelling and you curled in a ball on the couch, clutching your empty glass. The whiskey was already making you feel warm and less afraid but you didn’t dare drink more. “I burned her phone, I threw mine in a freaking lake on the way to the vetala hunt! How did he track us?”

Dean’s face turned ashen. “I…I think I left my card on his coffee table when we left. It was supposed to be for you, Y/N. I didn’t like the way he was looking at you and I wanted to give you my number in case…I guess he found it and tracked the number.”

“Dammit Dean!” Sam yelled, his hands brushing through his hair in angst.

“Balls!” Bobby shouted and you couldn’t help it, you let out a laugh. All three men stared at you. “Funny?” Bobby asked and you shrugged.

“Not so much funny as…predictable. This is always how it goes right? The girl tries to get away from her ex-boyfriend but somehow he always finds her because she’s stupid and goes back with him and the cycle continues…” you laughed again but it was sadder this time. “I shouldn’t have tried to run. He was right. I belong with him.”

Bobby shook his head, kneeling in front of you. “Y/N listen to me. I can speak from personal experience…” he took a deep breath. “No one belongs in an abusive home. No one deserves that especially someone as innocent and beautiful as you. This is not your fault, and it doesn’t have to continue. You think there’s a cycle? Then break it.” For some reason his little speech helped and you nodded.

“What do we do?” you asked and the boys looked at you with a small hint of pride.

“Are you sure you want to face this?” Dean asked. “We can take you somewhere else, somewhere safe.”

“We thought here was safe,” you said dully. “Look what happened. If he’s here there’s no sense in wallowing.”

Dean smiled at you and Bobby patted your knee. Sam sighed and nodded slightly.

 

“Okay then. Let’s get you ready.”


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re not serious,” you said in awe, staring at the gun in your hand.

“Deadly,” Sam said, aiming the gun at the makeshift target and tapping the trigger three times, hitting the bull’s eye each time.

 

“I’ve never shot a gun in my life, Sam!” you said but he just nodded at the target.

“Time to learn, kiddo,” Dean said, walking up behind you with a beer in his hand. “Bobby’s got the police scanner on. So far, no one has reported her missing or having been in this area. If he’s still looking around here he’s keeping it low profile.”

“Did you get rid of your phone?” Sam asked and Dean nodded.

“Dropped it in a vat of acid Bobby had downstairs. I’m telling you, that man could be on an episode of hoarders, he’s got more creepy crap in his basement than I’ve ever seen.”

“What other kinds of stuff?” you said hurriedly but Dean just smiled and turned you back towards the target.

“Nuh uh, no stalling. C’mon Y/N you’ve gotta earn that leather jacket status.”

You sighed and raised the gun, trying to stop your hands from shaking. Sam put his hands on top of yours.

“Okay, just feel the recoil and time the trigger pulls. It’s easy, I promise,” he said, patting you on the shoulder and stepping back.

It took a while but eventually you hit the target at least near the bulls’ eye. The boys seemed proud of you although you knew if it came down to it, you wouldn’t be able to cause much damage to anyone in a fight. However, Sam and Dean seemed positive you’d be able to at least scare Tyler enough to get him to back off. When it started to rain, you all went inside. Sam pulled out some old books and started to read while Dean opted to take a nap. Bobby had at least a dozen phones hooked up in his kitchen and they were all labeled different things like FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and others. He’d answer with a different name each time. Finally, when it was quiet, you asked him about it.

“Sometimes hunters get themselves caught up with various police forces. They need to verify they’re who they say they are and so they call me. I pretend to be their supervisor and smooth things out.”

“Why would they need to pretend to be FBI though?” you asked and Bobby motioned for you to sit down opposite him at the kitchen table.

“Sometimes with a case you gotta get your hands dirty, digging up graves and stuff, and it’s a bit awkward when you get caught. It always helps to have someone to smooth out the kinks for you.”

You swallowed nervously but tried to look nonchalant. “Digging up graves?”

Bobby nodded, taking a swig of whiskey. “That’s how you get rid of ghosts. There’s usually something tying them here, like their remains. So you’ve gotta salt and burn the bones to send them on.”

“So everything I read in Dean and Sam’s father’s journal was true? Banshees and demons and vampires…they’re all real? Like really really real?”

Bobby nodded, seeming oblivious to how nervous you were. “There’s a lot of evil in this world, Y/N. Someone’s gotta clean it up, and we’ve taken it upon ourselves to do it.”

“That’s a lot of responsibility. Why do you have to do it?” you asked.

“We all get into this business for different reasons. The boys were raised in it after their mom was killed by a demon and their daddy started hunting. Others get kidnapped themselves or just stumble upon something, wrong place and the wrong time you know?”

You fidgeted with a piece of loose wood on the table awkwardly. “How’d you get into this life then?”

Bobby stared down at his hands for a moment and then looked back up at you, his eyes harder than before. “Any other questions? Do you want to know how to kill any monsters? I’m sure John’s journal didn’t tell you all you wanted to know.”

“Um…” Truthfully there was a lot you didn’t understand but you also weren’t sure if you wanted to know exactly. “Just tell me the basics, I guess. So you kill a ghost by burning the bones? How do you kill other things?”

Bobby settled in, seeming excited to talk about little things that he could actually explain. “Well first thing you need to know is that most stories get it wrong. How do you think you kill a vampire?”

Shrugging, you thought a moment. “Stake to the heart?”

Bobby shook his head. “Decapitation. And you don’t get turned just by being bit, you have to actually ingest the blood, or have it enter an open wound. Also…” He drifted off into his world of horrors and you listened intently, half terrified and half intrigued. Finally, when you began to feel a bit sick, you stood up quickly.

“You okay Y/N?” Sam called, looking up from his books.

“Yeah, just need some air.” You ran out the front door, past the men.

It had stopped raining by now and you folded your arms over your chest, walking amongst the various abandoned cars. So much had happened in the past few days and you could barely contain it all. You’d let strangers take you from your home, your life, and you’d been introduced to the supernatural world—which you couldn’t fully believe still. You could accept that these men wanted to help you and that they were involved in some deep crap that may or may not be cult related but monsters? That was something you didn’t ever think you’d have to understand. Bobby had told you so calmly, so at peace with the horrors of his world that you couldn’t help but believe he was telling the truth, or he was crazy. But those things in John’s journal…the horrors you’d read there, there was no way someone could make those up. Who would write about his own wife dying horrifically in a fire if it wasn’t true?

Sitting in the bed of an old truck you curled in a ball and started crying, trying to make sense of what you’d learned. The gun Sam had given you felt heavy in your new leather jacket that Dean had bought for you. Nothing you had right now was yours. Not your clothes, your phone—Sam had given you a pre-paid one just in case—not even your stories were yours. They now belonged to these strange men who’d helped you for reasons unknown. 

As you were sitting there you heard someone walk up behind you and sighed, wiping your hands over your cheeks to remove any trace of tears.

“Sam I don’t want to talk right now okay?” you said quietly but it wasn’t Sam who answered you.

 

“That’s okay, I’m sick of your voice anyway,” Tyler said and as you turned, seeing his black eyes before he knocked you over the head and everything went black.

~~~

It was dark. There was something dripping nearby and it smelled like damp earth and something else that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. You tried to sit up and found that your wrists and ankles were tied down tightly. Your head ached from the blow you’d received and when the light above you came on, you squinted.

“Ah good you’re awake,” someone said and you turned to see the blurry form of Tyler walking towards you. You struggled but the ropes held you down tightly. He put his hand on your forehead gently. “Oh no, no shh. Don’t struggle. You’ll need your strength.”

“Where are we?” Your voice was hoarse.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” he said, moving away from you to a table covered with knives and other various sharp objects. “You know you shouldn’t’ve run away with those Winchesters. Because anything Tyler did to you will feel like a gentle caress when I’m done here.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, your heart speeding up. “You’re Tyler…aren’t you?”

Tyler leaned over you, smiling. “Oh sweetheart, you’ve spent three days with the Winchesters and you don’t know about demons? Poor little ignorant whore.” He blinked and his eyes went from blue to a deep, midnight black in a second. Suddenly everything you’d read in John’s journal and Bobby had told you came rushing back. Vague memories of an exorcism spell came back to you but you couldn’t remember any of the words.

“What do you want?” you demanded and Tyler—or the demon possessing him—laughed at you.

“The Winchesters, of course.”

“I don’t know where they are.” It wasn’t technically a lie. You had no idea where Bobby’s house was, only the state.

He shook his head. “I know where they are, you dumb bitch. That isn’t what I want…what I want is their heads on a platter. I want to make them suffer for all the shit they’ve brought down on my kind. You see, the Winchesters are like dogs, shockingly loyal. And they get attached too easily, so torturing their little pet…well it’ll make them crazy. Just the kind of torture they deserve. I’ve watched dozens of my brothers and sisters die at their hands…now it’s their turn.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, I don’t even know who they’re supposed to be, please, just let me go. Please don’t hurt me—“ He slapped you across your face and you felt blood trickle out of your mouth.

“Shut up bitch! I’ll do what I want.” He sighed and grabbed your face, pinching your cheeks in his hands. “I don’t blame them for taking you though, you’re quite the pretty meat-suit aren’t you? Even Tyler thinks so, he just sees past it to the worthless piece of shit that you are. See, that’s why he and I get along so well. Tyler and I see things the same way. He’s as evil as a human can get without being a demon. He’s actually enjoying this. Seeing you tied down is something he’s been fantasizing about for a while now.”

“Shut up,” you spat but the demon slapped you again.

“You should learn some respect. Tyler and I are going to teach you some.” He walked over to the table and picked up a long, sharp knife.

He walked back over to you and pulled the fabric of your shirt up over your stomach. “You know, in movies this is always the part where the torturer says they wish they didn’t have to do this. The truth is…I like doing this.” With that, he sliced into your skin again and again and you screamed, tears and blood flowing freely.

*Normal POV*

“Y/N?” Sam shouted, walking around the salvage yard. “Y/N, Bobby said you seemed upset earlier. Y/N?” He turned a corner and saw the truck bed you’d been sitting on, stained with blood and something else…sulfur. He ran inside quickly.

“Dean! Bobby!” he shouted and they instantly ran into the living room. “Y/N’s gone!”

“What do you mean gone?” Dean demanded.

“You mean she was kidnapped?” Bobby asked. “Tyler?”

Sam shook his head. “I don’t think so, I found sulfur.”

“Shit,” Dean sighed. “We’ve gotta go get her. No telling what they’ll do to her just for being with us.” He turned and raised his head to the sky. “Cas! Get your feathery ass down here, we need some help!”

Within an instant, Castiel materialized with the sound of flapping wings. Dean looked livid.

“What the hell, Cas! You were supposed to be keeping an eye out for anything funny around here! And that means Y/N’s abusive ex showing up or fucking demons finding the house!”

“Things in heaven were getting rambunctious, I couldn’t multi-task as well as you seem to think—“ Castiel said but Dean wasn’t buying it. He took a step forward towards Castiel.

“Look, you dick, you can be angry with me and pissy that heaven’s acting a lot more like hell lately but she is an innocent girl. She didn’t do anything wrong and now she’s a demon’s chew toy! So you stow your crap for one fucking day and help us find her!”

Castiel stood there for a moment and then nodded. “I’ll find her.” With that, he disappeared and reappeared in a split second. “She’s at an abandoned apartment building a few hours north of here.”

“Good, let’s go,” Dean said, getting his duffle and the rest of them got ready for battle.

*Reader POV*

You’d once heard that a person could go into shock if they were in enough pain. Unfortunately, this did not seem to apply to you. The demon had been slicing and dicing for what seemed like days now and you were still wide awake. Somehow he’d managed to keep you from bleeding out, claiming he wanted to make it slower for you and more enjoyable for him. The fact that he was wearing Tyler made it that much worse for you to stomach. He’d taunted you like Tyler had, called you names, hit you, told you how worthless you were, how no one would ever love you, not ever.

The worst came when he put the knife down and pinched your cheeks again. He’d left your face alone—for the most part—saying he didn’t want to ruin the only decent part of you there was. He leaned over you and pressed his disgusting lips to yours. They tasted of sulfur and blood. His rough hand slid down your side to your legs and you struggled against his hold. Your clothes were in tatters now and left very little to the imagination. As his hand wandered further you bit his lip and he pulled back, wiping blood off his chin.

“You piece of shit! I told you I own you now! Don’t make me start cutting again.”

“Get off me you bastard!” you spat at him and you both turned when you heard footsteps coming from upstairs. “Help!” you shouted. “Help me please!” He covered your mouth with his hand to stop you from screaming.

“Scream again and I slit that pretty little throat of yours.” He ripped a piece of your jeans off and tied it around your head, gagging you. You struggled and choked but he ignored you. “Excuse me while I go take care of the garbage.” With that, he ran upstairs, two knives in his hands.

You struggled against your bonds, cutting your wrists and ankles deeper. The gag was making it difficult to breathe or swallow and you were worried you’d choke. You heard fighting upstairs and could only hope whoever it was was there to help you, and that they were winning. Someone came pounding down the stairs and you tensed when you realized it was the demon.

“Sorry sweetheart, we need to cut our time short. You’ve been great.” With that, he picked up a knife and shoved it in your stomach. You screamed through the gag and felt your body starting to shut down. No way you could survive this.

“No!” You thought that was Sam. He ran at the demon but before he could stab him, black smoke erupted from his mouth and Tyler’s body fell to the ground.

Sam rushed to you and began untying your ropes. He pulled the gag out of your mouth and you coughed, pressing your hands to your stomach. Sam took off his own shirt and pressed it tightly to the wound.

“Bobby! Dean!” he shouted and they came pounding down the stairs, guns at the ready. When they saw you, with Sam pressing his hands against your stomach and Tyler’s body on the floor, they put the guns down and rushed to you. “Dean go get the car! Bobby help me here, there might be more of them.”

Dean ran back up the stairs and Sam picked you up in his arms while Bobby went ahead of you two, his gun held at the ready. You heard tires screech and Dean sped around in the Impala. Bobby pulled open the back door and Sam slid you inside, sliding in behind you and holding the shirt—now drenched in blood—tighter against your stomach.

“Drive, Dean!” Sam shouted and Dean peeled out of the abandoned parking lot towards the hospital.

“S-Sam…” you sputtered and he wiped the sweat from your forehead.

“Shh, Y/N it’s going to be okay. Stay with me Y/N, stay with me, he begged but you were already slipping out of consciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For the purposes of this fic, lets say this is before Sam and Dean have their anti-possession tattoos. 
> 
> Note: THIS CHAPTER HAS PARTS THAT HAVE BEEN REWRITTEN (those who have read this before will know what I'm talking about)

You woke up in a soft bed, loud beeping noises coming from around you. Something was stuck under your nose, blowing cold air into your nostrils and you tried to move away from it, to no avail. Someone touched your shoulder and you bolted up, screaming. Two nurses rushed in to assist the one trying to hold you down.

 

“Dear, we need to make sure your stitches don’t come out!” one of them said, her voice rising in anxiety.

“Don’t touch me!” you shouted, wrenching away from them and ripping a tube or two out. “Someone help me please! Sam! Dean!”

Someone ran in and pushed past the nurses. “Y/N, calm down! They’re trying to help but if you don’t calm down they’ll have to restrain you!” Sam tried to reason with you.

That made your heart stop. “No! No I can’t be tied down again, please I can’t…I can’t.”

Sam nodded and put his hands on top of your bandaged wrists. “Okay, then calm down. Listen to my breathing and try to match it. It’ll be okay, I promise you’re safe.”

His voice was very calm and his breathing slow and you closed your eyes and tried to match it. It took a while but finally you managed to calm down enough for them to stick your IV back in and check your bandages. None of your stitches had opened but the wound in your stomach was extremely sensitive and had needed surgery to close it. According to Sam it had been a pretty close call.

“W-what about the demon?” you asked quietly once the nurses had left.

Sam patted your hand gently. “He smoked out.” He saw your look of confusion and rephrased. “He’s gone. We don’t know where but we aren’t going to let you out of our sight until we find him.”

“Sam,” you sighed. “It’s not worth it. You can’t watch me twenty-four-seven, it isn’t fair to you. You have things to do, monsters to hunt. I’m just some pathetic girl who got you caught up in her shit.”

Sam just shook his head, laughing quietly. “Okay I’m going to ignore the pathetic part because I don’t want to yell at you and tell you how wrong you are. But Y/N, now you’re a target. By now, more than that one demon knows where you are and who you’re with and they’ll all be wanting to use you as bait or an informant. If you leave, you’re in more danger than if you stay with us.”

You sighed deeply, ignoring the pain in your body. “And…” you took a slow breath so you didn’t get worked up again. “Tyler? Is he dead?”

Sam looked down but that was answer enough. “Where is he?”

“Gone. Bobby went back to clean away the evidence but he wasn’t there. The hospital wanted to call him because he’s your emergency contact but for some reason they couldn’t reach him. I’m guessing the demon burned his phone or he threw it away. Either way, he isn’t showing up here,” Sam said. “But maybe he won’t want to find you. Maybe this whole being possessed experience will have scared him enough to stay away?”

But you weren’t convinced. “The demon said that he was awake. He said that Tyler was…was enjoying it. If that’s true, Tyler probably won’t want to leave that feeling behind. I bet the demon opened up his eyes to a whole new way of torture. And the first person he’ll look for is me.” Tears rolled down your face slowly but you wiped them away.

“Then we’ll kill him.” You and Sam both turned to see Dean leaning against the door frame. “If he wants to hurt you or anyone else we’ll ice him like the monster he is.”

Sam shook his head. “Dean, he’s human.”

“I don’t care. He’s hurt Y/N too many times and if what she says is true, he won’t stop at just Y/N. We need to put him down.” Dean’s voice was deeper and more intense than you’d heard it.

Sam looked to you anxiously. “Y/N, are you okay with that?”

You gawked at them. “How can you ask me that? You’re asking me if I’m okay with killing a person! How am I supposed to answer that rationally?”

“You wouldn’t have to be a part of the process,” Dean reasoned, and the calm tone of his voice and the complete sanity in his eyes made you realize just how often he did this; talked about killing people. Although you believed he didn’t usually kill people, just monsters. “You wouldn’t even have to see him. We just need to know you’re okay with it.”

You looked down at your hands; your wrists were bandaged and sore and there were various needles and tubes connected to you. It wasn’t the first time you’d landed in the hospital. In fact, Tyler had taken you once or twice when he was sober enough to see what he’d done. Of course that was near the beginning of your relationship. Lately he’d been hurting you worse but leaving you there to rot. You’d had two broken wrists in the past year and a broken nose just in the past few months. And though you knew that it wasn’t truly Tyler who’d landed you here this time it was still his body, his hands acting out the various tortures, and knowing he was out in the world with that new feeling, that new information frightened you. Even if by some miracle he didn’t look for you, or didn’t find you, there was no way of knowing if he would snap one day or get possessed again and hurt some other poor innocent girl. You couldn’t take that chance.

“Yes,” you said with as much conviction as you could muster. “I’m okay with it. Do what you have to.”

Sam looked a bit shaken by your response but Dean just nodded solemnly. He pulled something out of his pocket and placed it under your pillow, then another similar item in the dresser across from the bed, and another under the window pane.

“What are those?” you asked and Dean moved to the bed, a necklace in his hands.

“Hex bags,” he explained. “They’ll keep the demons from being able to find you. And this,” he slung the necklace around your neck gently, “is to keep you from being possessed.”

You fiddled with the charm absently. “What about you two?”

Sam pulled out two more necklaces with charms identical to the one you wore and handed one to Dean before slipping one over his head "We'll wear them too." he said. "I don't think you'll be on the demon's radar for very long but still, you never know." 

You nodded, your head ringing. “Yeah you never know. For now I’d just like to sleep, okay?” It had been a long week and you didn’t know if you could take anymore right now. Some drug induced sleep seemed pretty damn perfect.

Sam nodded and got up, Dean following him out of the room.

“We won’t leave the hospital,” Sam said at the doorway. “Just in case.”

“Thanks, Sam,” you said and fiddled with the knobs on your IV to up your dosage of pain-killers. Within minutes, you were out.

Thanks to the drugs you slept without dreams and woke up in a fog. This time you woke up and knew where you were, keeping the nurses from having to restrain you. Sam was sitting in a chair next to your bed, his head leaning precariously on the heel of his hand, his mouth lolling open. Dean was in another chair by the window, his head thrown back like he was singing. Castiel was standing by the door, his hands at his sides awkwardly and a funny look on his face.

“Hi, Castiel,” you whispered, partly because you were still in a daze and partly so you wouldn’t wake the sleeping boys.

“Y/N,” he said quietly, his deep voice resonating around the small room. “I came to apologize.”

You frowned, your brows furrowing. “Apologize? Apologize for what?”

“I was meant to watch for any sign of danger concerning you. I slipped and it caused you to be abducted by that demon. Had I done my job you would not have been injured. I failed and I want to apologize.”

You nodded slowly. “Cas you don’t have to apologize. I mean, it would’ve been awesome if you were watching out for me, but that isn’t your job. I know you must have more important things to do, being an angel and all. Mistakes happen.” You smiled a small smile at him, hoping to relieve some of the stress that radiated off of him.

Castiel narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side. “You aren’t angry at me?”

You shrugged. “I mean, I am angry but yelling won’t help anything. It won’t change what happened so what’s the point?”

Cas nodded and then looked to the sleeping boys. “You could teach the Winchesters about that. They could learn a thing or two about anger management.”

“Well I’ve gotten pretty good at dealing with angry men.” You hadn’t really meant for it to come out as pathetic as it did but Castiel didn’t look like he pitied you.

“Ah yes, that atrocious man who harmed you before. I am sorry that befell you. When Dean told me I wanted to smite him on principal. Dean assures me he will take care of it.”

“That’s what he said, yeah,” you said and sighed deeply. “I don’t know what I’ll do after this. My whole life was with Tyler, shitty as it was. I don’t know where to go or what to do.”

“Perhaps you could try hunting,” Cas suggested and you laughed.

“Yeah right. I can’t even shoot a gun on target.”

Cas shook his head. “You are strong. Both mentally and physically. There should be more hunters like you.” 

His words struck something with you and you stared at him with furrowed brows for a second until Bobby entered, carrying coffee.

“Now Cas, don’t go putting ideas in her head. Most people are forced into hunting. Only the crazy ones seek it out.” He smiled at you and handed you a cup. “Here you go, figured it’s better than hospital food.”

You accepted it gratefully. “Thanks, Bobby.”

Bobby kicked Sam’s chair and he jolted awake. He nearly tipped it backwards and you laughed out loud at the look on his face. Bobby then smacked Dean on the back of the head and he woke up with a loud cry of indignation.

“Wake up boys, time to give you the skinny,” Bobby said, sitting in the chair Sam had just vacated. “Now, I think I’ve got a trace on the demon. It’s still in the state but so far hasn’t found where we are yet, which is a good thing.”

“Anything on Tyler?” Dean asked, sipping his coffee.

Bobby shook his head. “Nothing’s popping up on police scanners or fed databases. But there’s a good possibility the demon might have possessed him again so we’ll need to be on the lookout for that.” His eyes flashed to you and he looked uncomfortable. “And there’s, uh, something else. The demon left us a message.” He pulled out his phone and passed it around to the boys and Cas who handed it to you slowly.

There was a picture of large, red words painted on what looked like a wall in the building you’d been held in. Written in what you were sure was blood were the words: ‘SHE IS MINE’. Your stomach turned and you leaned over the bed, emptying the contents of your stomach into a trashcan Sam hurriedly shoved in front of you. You handed him the phone and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Do you think the demon wrote that, or Tyler?” you asked, accepting a cup of water from Bobby, the coffee suddenly making you feel sick.

“No way to tell,” Sam said. “But it doesn’t matter, either way someone is feeling very possessive over Y/N and we need to get out of here. We’re sitting ducks in this hospital. Cas, could you?” he asked, motioning to you.

Castiel nodded and touched two fingers to your forehead and like last time you felt your wounds heal almost instantly. You slid your legs over the side of the bed and stood up, cracking your neck then going up on your toes to crack your back. Your clothes were too ruined to put back on but luckily Bobby had brought some along for you. You slipped on the jeans before turning around and stripping off the hospital gown, replacing it with a loose flannel. Dean took off his jacket and threw it around your shoulders as you slid your feet back into your shoes. The boys formed a sort of circle around you with Bobby at the front, and led you out of the hospital. Everyone you passed seemed to be staring at you with black eyes and you didn’t relax until you were in the back seat of the impala with Castiel next to you.Because Sam’s legs were so long, he rode in the front but he turned slightly so he could still look at you.

“Y/N can I ask you something?” Dean asked and though his tone made you nervous, you shrugged.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“How’d you end up with someone like Tyler? I mean you’re smart, tough, educated, drop dead gorgeous…how does a girl like you end up with a guy like him?”

You fiddled with your shirt and kept your eyes down.

“He wasn’t always abusive. In fact, when we met he was the picture perfect boyfriend. Picnics, gifts, the works. We went to the same school. We had one class together and after weeks of heavy flirting he finally asked me out. We started going steady after three dates, moved in together after two months. He always told me how lucky he was to have me, how complete I made him feel. He made sure I knew he loved me.”

“And then what happened?” Castiel asked, his eyes narrowed but alight with interest.

“I don’t know. Something changed when we moved in. At first he just complained about how much stuff I had but moving is always hard, especially when you’re moving in with a boyfriend. So I compromised and got rid of some stuff…when I think about it, it wasn’t really a compromise so much as me wanting to please him. He didn’t get rid of anything,” you frowned. “Then it was my friends. He thought they were a bad influence, that they were talking about him behind his back to me and trying to poison our relationship. So I stopped seeing them. Then work was taking up too much time, but at that point I was working at a local daycare center. I love kids and didn’t want to abandon them.”

You felt yourself getting worked up and Castiel awkwardly patted your hand. “That was the first time he hit me. He told me I was ungrateful and if I really cared about our relationship then I wouldn’t put anything before it. I told him I cared about those kids just as much and if he couldn’t handle that then maybe he needed to sort out his priorities, not me. He didn’t like that.” But Dean was smiling.

“Well I’m proud of you for standing up to him. That took guts,” he said proudly and you smiled. 

“I’ve had more of a choice with you in a few days than I had in my whole relationship with Tyler,” you said and Sam shot you a smile over his shoulder. “Thank you for that.”

“Well, we know you’ve been thrown into this without knowing anything and you’ve been handling it pretty damn well.” Sam reached his huge arm over the seat and squeezed your knee. “You’ve got strong blood.”

“Hunter’s blood,” Castiel said knowingly and Sam’s smile fell.

“Cas, leave it,” Dean spat and Castiel held his hands up in surrender. But it got you thinking.

What if you became a hunter? You’d never really thought about what was going to happen after the boys stopped protecting you, which at some point they would have to. You couldn’t stay with them forever and now that you had at least some remedial firearm skills you could take care of yourself better. And you could always ask Sam and Dean to teach you an exorcism or something in case Tyler or the demon did come back. Castiel had said it twice now, that you were a good fit for hunting and though his words hadn’t made much of an impact the first time you were now wondering…what if? You could fight, you were strong. If the past few days had taught you anything, it was that much. With a little training you could do it, you were sure. You could hunt. You’d just have to pick the right time to bring it up with Sam and Dean.

The rest of the ride was a bit awkward and you snuggled up against the window, falling asleep watching the scenery pass by. You half woke up when someone opened the door and slung their arms beneath you, lifting you into their broad chest. Almost subconsciously, you cuddled into their chest, breathing in a scent of old spice, beer and cheap soap.

“Take her on up Sammy, we’ll unload.” That was Dean’s voice, you could tell by how deep it was. You also heard Bobby and Castiel bid him goodnight and he carried you up the stairs and into the guest room.

Sam gently laid you on the bed, slipped off your shoes and folded the blankets over you, tucking you in tightly. Before he left, you felt him lean down and kiss your forehead, barely brushing his lips over your skin.

“I’m sorry I brought this down on you, Y/N,” he whispered brokenly. “I would have given anything to spare you from this. From all of it.” He left after that but you could have sworn a single tear had fallen on your cheek.

When you woke up, it was dark out and for a moment you experienced the disorientation taking a nap gives you. You weren’t sure what day it was, where you were or if what had happened was real or a dream. You sat up and stretched, cracking your back. Your clothes were disheveled but you didn’t care and swung your feet over the bed, standing up and going on tip toe, cracking your toes and ankles as you did so. Your breath made even you gag so you went to the bathroom and brushed your teeth. One look in the mirror told you that your hair wasn’t going to cooperate so you wrapped it in a messy bun and headed downstairs.

It was quiet. As you walked in, you were wary of how the floorboards creaked when you walked on them and when you saw Dean sprawled out on the couch—one side of his face smashed into the pillow—you knew why it was so quiet. Smiling, you tiptoed over to him and pecked him lightly on his exposed cheek. He didn’t even stir.

The clock read 3:30 in the morning, putting your time of arrival sometime around noon the day before. You couldn’t remember a time you’d slept that long, or at such an odd hour of the day. You walked into the kitchen and saw Sam sitting at the table on his laptop with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Hey,” you said, yawning despite having just woken up. “What are you doing up?”

He looked up at you and rubbed his eyes, clearly exhausted. “Hey, Y/N. Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down. I’m just researching some stuff for a case. Bobby caught wind of one on our way back and headed off to check on it. I told him I’d help out.”

“That was nice of you,” you said, helping yourself to a cup of coffee. You sat down next to him, pulling your knees up to sit Indian-style. “So what does research entail? Seems to me like you guys already know everything there is to know about monsters.”

Sam laughed. “That’s nice of you to say, but we don’t know as much as we let on. Sure, we know more than the average hunter, but there’s still things that stump us.”

“So what are you researching for Bobby?” you asked, peeking at his laptop and seeing pictures of giant snakes with bloody fangs.

Sam just smirked at you. “Get this…a basilisk.”

Your jaw dropped and it took you a moment to register what he was saying. Finally you blinked and spoke.

“A basilisk…like in Harry Potter?” Sam nodded and you laughed too, trying to keep it low so you wouldn’t wake Dean in the next room. “Well, I guess we need to find the sword of Godric Gryffindor don’t we?”

Sam laughed even more at your joke but shook his head. “Nah, it’s not that ridiculous. All he’s got to do is stab it with a dagger cut from a certain tree and blessed by a South American shaman.”

You gawked at how nonchalant he was. “Oh sure, naturally. Just another day at the office.”

The two of you were still laughing but as it died down you fiddled with your cup and pushed back from the table. 

“I think I’ll head back to bed.” You said and Sam nodded, looking a tad disappointed. 

“Oh, well…g’night, Y/N. Sleep well.” He said and you smiled at him, heading back to the living room to make your way upstairs. 

But you stopped in your tracks, knowing if you went back to bed your resolve would waver and you wouldn’t talk about what you wanted to bring up, so you took a deep breath, steeled your bones and turned back to the kitchen. When you entered, you saw Sam slumped over the table, and you hurried over, shaking his shoulder. 

“Sam?” you asked and he jolted and looked up at you, a hint of a smile still on his lips.

“What’s up?” he asked. 

“You okay?” you asked cautiously, the way he was smiling at you was a bit…off. 

He nodded and waved his hand, as if shooing the question away. “Must’ve dozed off. But I’m up now! Did you need something?” 

You bit your lip and nodded, digging the ball of your foot into the floor awkwardly, not sure how to start. 

“…I was thinking about things and I thought that maybe after…and I don’t even know if this makes sense but I just wanted to bring it up—and I can’t exactly go back to my old life now can I? So why shouldn’t I just pick up and start doing something? I wouldn’t be the best at first but with some training why couldn’t I just—“ 

“Y/N! Y/N calm down!” Sam said, grabbing your hands which had been fluttering around as you ranted. “What are you talking about?” 

“I want to hunt.” You said quickly, squeezing his hands in yours. 

The silence that followed seemed to stretch on for hours. Sam just sat there staring at you like he wasn’t quite sure you were real and with just a hint of something you couldn’t quite place in his eyes. You could tell his mind was moving a million miles an hour. You figured it was best to wait for him to answer but you were having trouble keeping your mouth shut. The longer he stared at you the more your heart sank and when he did speak it was not what you wanted to hear. 

“You can’t.” he said forcefully. and you dropped his hands. “Y/N you can’t hunt!” he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world and you had to admit, that hurt. 

“Why not?” you demanded and he got up and shoved away from the table. You followed him. 

“Are you kidding?” Sam laughed and you frowned, feeling like you wanted to cry. “You? Hunting? That’s hilarious, Y/N!” 

His words and disbelieving tone hurt but you were determined to speak your mind—something you still weren’t used to doing. “You—you could train me! Teach me to fight, kill monsters, I could help!” 

“Whoa whoa train you?” Sam shot and you nodded vigorously. “Y/N it won’t matter if we train you! You can’t do this! You cannot hunt!” he shouted and you both stopped. 

Your chest felt like it was collapsing. For the past two years you’d been with Tyler you hadn’t been able to do one thing you wanted, and when you even tried he beat the will out of you. You knew Sam wouldn’t ever hit you but this was worse. At least with Tyler you expected a blow. Sam’s came unexpectedly and though he didn’t actually strike you he might as well have; it stung the same. You took a deep breath, trying to keep your voice from shaking and the tears from falling. Sam saw your face and his face fell. 

“I heard you last night Sam, what you said. You don’t have to protect me from anything anymore. You don’t have to spare me from anything. I’m not the same frightened little girl I was when you found me.” You spoke calmly.

Sam just shook his head and laughed again. “Are you so sure about that, princess?” he asked condescendingly and you faltered. “You leave some dick ex-boyfriend and suddenly you think you’re ready to take on the world? Please, you’re just a victim playing at the hero. Dean and I pity you, you know. That’s the real reason we took you away from Tyler. Althought truthfully, I think we would’ve been better off just dumping you at some women’s shelter.” 

You took a step backwards and shook your head. “You don’t mean that.” You said quietly and Sam just looked at you patronizingly. 

Sam just shrugged. “Look you want to hunt; you go right ahead. But don’t come crying to me when you get yourself killed.” 

“You think I won’t be able to do it?” you asked and he laughed the hardest he had yet. 

“Y/N I know you won’t be able to. Hell you weren’t even able to get away from Tyler on your own, you were too weak to do anything about that and you’re too weak to do anything about this.” 

“Fuck you.” You hissed and his face turned into an angry grimace. “You don’t know anything about me, or what I’m capable of! So fuck you and you’re alpha-male ideals, Sam Winchester! I am not weak, or incapable and I can do whatever the hell I set my mind to, so you can fuck off!” 

The look in Sam’s face was one you’d seen a million times before but it didn’t frighten you anymore. You didn’t even see it coming, and before you knew it Sam’s hand came at you and your cheek was burning and Sam was breathing hard. You weren’t crying but you were terrified and wanted to curl in a ball and shout apologies at him. But there was something new in you, something that told you it was time to stop apologizing. So you slowly walked forward until you were only a foot away from him, looking up into his eyes, still angry but shocked as well. 

“Go ahead, Sam. Hit me again. I know you want to.” You hissed, your voice venomous. “Hit. Me. Again.” Sam raised his hand and you were fully prepared to block his next blow, but before he could strike Dean came running in, his hair ruffled from sleep and there were odd indents on his cheek from where it had been shoved into the couch cushions. 

“What the hell is going on in here?!” he shouted. “Sam? Y/N?” 

It took a moment for you to speak but when you did you were surprised at how steady your voice was.

“Sam hit me.” You said quietly and Dean’s eyebrows shot up. 

“What?” he asked, disbelievingly. “No way.” 

“Ask him yourself,” you motioned to Sam, who was still glaring at you, looking like he’d like nothing more than to hit you again, but there wasn’t something else underneath the glare, almost like…glee? You hadn’t seen Sam like this the entire time you’d been with him, and it was confusing you to no end. 

Dean turned to Sam, who switched his gaze from you to Dean. 

“She’s lying.” He said steadily, a hint of mischief in his eyes and you blanched. 

“Like hell I am!” you shouted, pointing to the red mark on your cheek. “Look, Dean!” 

Dean’s gaze flashed from Sam to you and when he saw the obvious hand print on your face his eyes narrowed. He stared at Sam for a moment. 

“Christo.” He spat and Sam flinched. You were confused when Dean quickly put himself in front of you protectively before hissing, “You’re not Sam.” 

“What?” you demanded but Sam just sighed and laughed, holding up his arms and you were shocked to see his eyes flash black. 

“Well I’ve gotta hand it to you, Dean.” He said smugly. “You figured it out quicker than I thought. Although little Y/N here sure didn’t.” 

“You’re a demon.” You said shakily and Sam—the demon laughed. 

“And circle gets the square.” He said. “I came to get back what’s mine.” 

“I’m not yours, you bastard!” you yelled and Dean put an arm out to keep you from moving forward too much, clearly worried about your safety. 

“We’ll see. See you soon, Y/N.” The demon said, winking but before he could say anything else a plume of black smoke erupted out of Sam’s mouth and he fell to the ground, breathing hard. Dean rushed to him and propped him up. 

“Sammy? You okay?” he asked worriedly and Sam coughed and sputtered before nodding shakily, his eyes landing on you, still standing frozen in the corner. 

“Y/N I—“ he started but you held up your hand to stop him. The enormity of what had just happened was dawning on you and you felt like you were going to faint or cry, or both, so you turned on your heels and ran from the room. 

“Y/N!” Dean yelled but you’d made it outside and down a long line of cars before collapsing on the ground, breathing hard, you hands gripping your hair. You vaguely heard someone come up behind you. Someone touched your shoulder lightly and you jumped. 

“Whoa hey it’s just me.” Dean said, holding his hands up. “You okay?” 

You took a deep breath and brushed your hands over your face. “I’m not sure what defines ‘okay’ at this point.” 

“Are you hurt?” Dean asked, even though he knew the answer. You shrugged but turned your face away from him, hiding the bruise you knew was forming on your skin. 

“Y/N c’mon,” Dean said, putting his fingers lightly under your chin and tilting your face towards his. 

You reluctantly turned your face towards his, not meeting his eyes. He didn’t say anything for a long moment and your heart sank, knowing he was probably disappointed in you. 

“Shit,” he breathed and you looked up at him, seeing how angry he was. He got up and collected himself, turning to you after a moment, calmer. “So you gonna tell me what happened or what?” 

“You know the gist of it.” You said quietly and Dean sighed and shook his head. 

“Y/N you look terrified. C’mon, talk to me.” his eyes were soft, full of nothing but concern. 

“He hit me, Dean.” The words came out in a whisper. 

“The demon hit you,” Dean said strongly. “Not Sam.” 

“I—I know…” there were tears still on your face, and you knew the red mark would fade into a bruise soon enough. “B-but it looked like him. And no matter what I’ll always have that memory of Sam’s body hurting me.” 

Dean sighed and settled himself next to you on the ground, leaning against an old car, propping his arms on his knees. “It wasn’t his fault, kid. He was possessed. Sam never would have done anything like that if he was in control. You’ve gotta know he would never hurt you, Y/N. Sam would rather die than do that. He’s in there beating himself up because of what happened. He thinks you hate him.” 

You met his gaze for a moment but had to break the contact. “I don’t know how I feel.” 

Dean nodded understandingly. “That’s okay, just know that he cares about you—we all do. And we would never do anything to hurt you. Ever.” He squeezed your hand kindly. 

“Thank you.” You said quietly, returning the squeeze and he pushed himself up. But you called after him. “Dean?” he turned, and though your heart was pounding in your chest you made yourself speak. 

“I want to hunt.” You said tentatively, awaiting his reaction with bated breath. 

You weren’t sure what you expected, maybe for him to yell at you or storm away but what you didn’t expect was to hear him utter a small, amused laugh. 

“Okay, sure thing kiddo.” He said, still laughing like you were a toddler telling their mom you wanted to be a princess or president when you grew up. “We’ll look into that.” He made to turn away but you stood up, calling after him. 

“Did you hear what I said Dean?” you asked, hurt. “I want to be a hunter.” 

Dean just stared at you, slowly realizing that you weren’t joking. “You’re serious aren’t you?” he asked but you nodded. “Well…damn. Okay then we’ll uh….talk about it later. It’s been a pretty long day.” 

You sighed, knowing ‘we’ll talk about it later’ really meant that you wouldn’t talk about it at all. You folded your arms in front of your chest. Dean seemed to notice you were upset and walked over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders lightly. 

“Y/N I promise we will talk about it but for now just go upstairs, I’ll deal with Sam okay?” 

He seemed sincere so you sighed and nodded, finally realizing how much your cheek hurt. After he’d walked away and you’d sat against the car for a while, you went inside, got some ice for your cheek—noting how Sam was nowhere to be found—and headed upstairs to try and get some sleep. Just as you were about to drift off there was a quiet knock at your door and you sat up, calling out to whoever it was that they could come in. Sam entered slowly, his head down and his eyes red, like he’d been crying. 

“Hi,” he said lamely and you huddled in on yourself subconsciously. 

“Hey,” you whispered. 

“Look Y/N I uh…” 

You held up your hands. “Sam, it’s okay.” 

He shook his head. “No, Y/N it’s really not. I—I hit you.” His voice was so quiet you had to strain to hear it, but you still heard how broken he sounded. 

“It wasn’t you, not really.” You assured him. 

“But I was awake, Y/N. I saw, heard and felt everything that happened. Including when the demon made me…” he trailed off and took a moment to compose himself. “I’m so, so sorry, Y/N.” he was crying now. 

Even though you knew he was being sincere, and that it wasn’t truly him that had hurt you, you couldn’t help but flash back to all the times Tyler had apologized tearfully after he’d hurt you. Granted, it was early on in the relationship, before he’d stopped apologizing and kept hitting, but still. This situation was oddly reminiscent of those times. And you were having trouble shaking the reemerging feelings. You must have sat there in silence, remembering, for a long moment because Sam took a few steps towards you and reached out to touch you—probably to comfort you, but your brain registered the movement as an attack and you flinched away. Sam instantly pulled his hand away, looking defeated. 

“S-sorry.” You stuttered. 

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing,” Sam said. 

“I just need some space.” You told him and he nodded, heading back to the door before turning back to you. 

“Do you really want to hunt?” he asked quietly, almost as if he was afraid of the answer. 

“Yes,” you were worried about what his answer would be, but there was no point in hiding your feelings now. 

Sam took a deep breath. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Y/N.” he said quietly and you clenched your jaw. 

“Because I’m too weak?” you asked scathingly and he looked at you, shocked. He shook his head quickly. 

“No! God, Y/N of course not! You’re one of the bravest, strongest people I know! But…” he took another deep breath. “I’m not sure you’re completely prepared for the kind of crap hunting brings down on you. That demon was only the beginning, there’s a hundred other things we don’t even know about! And they all want to kill us end of story! Dean and I were raised in this, we didn’t have a choice but you do! You can walk away from this right now and never look back but I can’t. I can’t have connections, a relationship, a home, a family! The job has taken everything from me and I don’t want that for you.” you saw tears in his eyes. 

“Maybe I won’t end up like that.” You said defiantly but Sam shook his head. 

“Y/N I’m telling you, there is no happy ending for hunters.” 

“Who are you to tell me how to live my life?” you demanded and you saw Sam flinch. You knew your anger was misplaced, but you were tired of people telling you that you couldn’t do things. This was your life, and though you’d never had a choice before, now you did. And you were damned if you were going to let another man tell you how to live it. 

Sam looked like he wanted to say something but he just sighed. “You’re right. I’ll let you get some, sleep.” With that he closed the door softly and you threw yourself backwards against the pillows, frustrated and angry. 

You weren’t angry at Sam, not really. He had a right to his opinion, and you couldn’t deny his reasoning, but you weren’t him. You knew him hurting you wasn’t his fault, that he was possessed and had no control over what had happened. But the memory of his anger, and the slap had you spiraling backwards and remembering Tyler. You weren’t sure you could stay here any longer, not if you wanted to end this and try hunting for yourself. You had to get out. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: THIS CHAPTER HAS PARTS THAT HAVE BEEN REWRITTEN (those who have read this before will know what I'm talking about)

Since the fight you’d hardly spoken to Sam. Not that he hadn’t been trying. Whenever you walked downstairs for breakfast he was sitting at the table, ready to talk but one look at your face made him back off. He would try to start up conversations with you when you helped Bobby or Dean fix up old cars but you always found a reason to divert the conversation back to mechanics.

You’d spent a lot of time with Dean actually. With Dean’s help you were able to shoot a gun on target while running, block almost all of his attempted blows and he even taught you some rudimentary knife throwing skills. It helped to take your mind off everything and actually feel like what you were doing was worthwhile. On Bobby’s suggestion you’d even started memorizing a basic exorcism, just in case the demon or its friends decided to come back.

It was currently raining which meant your training session with Dean had come to an end early. So while he and Bobby milled around the house doing whatever it was they did, you found yourself in Bobby’s panic room with a copy of the exorcism in front of you on the old cot. For some reason you’d felt safest in the panic room. It probably had to do with the fact it was totally demon proof but you’d always liked small spaces, something about them made you feel safe, like you could handle whatever was coming. You liked things orderly, neat and tidy. Simple. Tyler always dragged you out to parties and events with loads of people, causing you to feel uneasy and awkward. Of course he’d then complain that you weren’t good in public, that you made him look bad. And he’d punish you for that.

But the panic room made you feel at home, so you sat on your stomach with your feet in the air and your chin propped up on your hands, closing your eyes and going over the script again and again in your head, trying to get the Latin to stick somehow.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas…potestas…fuck!” you cried, opening your eyes and skimming the page but before you could find the next words a voice spoke from the doorway.

“Omnis incursio infernalis adversarii,” Sam said, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. “I memorized it years ago. Turns out reading it out of a book gets pretty difficult when said book goes missing.” He smiled slightly but you didn’t return it.

“Thanks,” you said tightly and turned back to the page, hoping he’d get the hint and leave. He didn’t, he just kept standing against the doorframe silently watching you. Finally you sat up and crossed your arms in front of your chest. “Look Sam if you have something to say just say it. I’m tired of the apologetic glances and puppy dog eyes. So just get it off your chest now and we can be done with it.”

He looked into your eyes knowingly and spoke carefully. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. “Y/N I am truly sorry. I know you don’t believe me and I know you don’t have any right to but…I just wanted you to know. I feel awful about what happened. I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt you. All I wanted to do was protect you.”

"Look, Sam I get that you didn't have control over what happened. I know it was the demon and not you. I know that. But...I'm just having a bit of trouble getting the image of you hitting me out of my head." 

“I know I can’t possibly redeem myself to you, Y/N,” he said quietly, not looking at you. “But I won’t stop trying. I’m stubborn like that,” he chuckled halfheartedly. “I’ll uh, leave you to your memorizing.” And he awkwardly turned and walked back upstairs, leaving you feeling worse than before.

After about ten minutes you realized you wouldn’t be able to concentrate so you threw the sheet on the ground and flipped over on your back, staring at the rotating blades of the fan Bobby had installed and listening to the rain pound against the roof. You could almost fall asleep right then and there but a sudden brush of cold air and the sound of flapping wings made you sit up. Castiel stood outside of the panic room in his signature trench and too-large suit. You swung your legs over the side of the cot and picked up the page with the exorcism, stuffing it in your pocket.

“Hey, Castiel,” you said, smiling at him. “How’s it hanging?”

He looked confused, his brow furrowed and he gestured to his feet. “I’m standing…” he said and you sighed, smiling. “Y/N I’m concerned about you,” he stated and you stood up, moving so you were standing only a few feet from him.

“Why Cas?” you asked.

“I know what occurred with the demon a few nights ago,” he said and you fidgeted. “I also know you’re upset and angry and I don’t begrudge you that. However—“ he took a deep breath and met your gaze, making you uncomfortable with the intensity with which he stared at you. "Sam Winchester is a good man. One of the best I’ve met since my fall to Earth,” he said seriously. “He has literally been through hell and worse. He fought the devil and won, and is one of the most loyal human beings on this planet. There was a time when I distrusted him, I thought him evil and an abomination. I am happy to say he has proved me wrong. He cares about you Y/N, more than he lets on. Him giving you space right now is hard for him and I know you can see that. I’ve learned there are very few people in whom I can put my trust on this Earth…but Sam Winchester is one of them,” he said and gave you a meaningful look.

You sighed and nodded at him, laughing slightly. “And here I thought Dean was the one you had it hard for.”

Castiel frowned and tilted his head like a confused puppy. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

You waved him off. “Never mind. Well thank you, Cas. You’re a very loyal friend I’ll give you that.”

He nodded at you awkwardly. “Well I have to go.”

“Oh yeah sure. Heavenly hosts gotta keep busy.”

Castiel didn’t seem to understand you but nodded and disappeared with a sound of flapping wings. You sighed and stood there for a moment before sighing deeply and making your way upstairs. You didn’t see Dean or Sam in the kitchen or living room and Bobby was on a call, yelling at someone named Garth. Sam’s voice floated from upstairs and you took the stairs quietly, not sure what you were going to say to him but knowing you needed to talk. They were sitting in the guest room, Dean saying something to Sam but you stopped walking when you heard your name, sitting on the second to last step, listening intently and remaining hidden.

“Y/N’s tougher than you think, Sammy,” Dean was saying. “I mean she’s been training like she’s freaking Rocky. That girl can give me a run for my money I’m not gonna lie.”

“You can’t honestly tell me you think her hunting is a good idea?” Sam demanded and you frowned.

“It’s not like we’re forcing her to! She wants to do this!” Dean argued. “And from what I’ve seen she’d be pretty damn good at it, you can’t disagree with that.”

“I’m not saying she wouldn’t be good at it, Dean! I’m saying it’s not safe! She doesn’t realize all the crap that’s out there. She could get seriously hurt or even killed! And you want to just let her do it?” 

“None of us know everything that’s out there! We’re still discovering new stuff all the time. And so what if it’s dangerous? Hell, we’ve died multiple times and we’re still kicking! Y/N’s tough Sam I mean look what she’s been through so far!”

Sam groaned. “My point exactly! We got her out of that house and she got kidnapped and tortured by a demon! I let her get hurt again and again and then I—“ he stopped short and you leaned forward, trying to hear as he lowered his voice. “I hit her Dean. Even if it wasn't really me...she won't be able to look at me the same way anymore. I promised I would protect her and then I go and do the very thing I wanted to protect her from.”

“It wasn't you, Sammy." 

“It doesn’t matter, Dean,” Sam said dejectedly. “From the moment I saw those bruises on her face I wanted to keep her safe. That’s why I don’t want her to hunt. I have no doubt she’d be great at it, I’m sure she’d be great at anything she tried but…I can’t bear to see her in the line of fire, especially if I’m the one who put her there. And after what I did she won’t let me near her so I can’t protect her.”

“You can’t protect everyone forever, Sam,” Dean sighed.

“I think…I care about her, Dean. And I mean a lot. Honestly, I think I'm falling in love with her,” Sam said and you stopped breathing. “If she wants to hunt I’m not going to stop her. I know I can’t protect her forever, I just wish I could.”

“Sammy…Think about what you just said. I mean, if you really feel—“ Dean suddenly cut himself off at the sound of a slight squeak coming from you adjusting your position on the stairs. 

He walked over to where you were, giving you a patronizing look like a scolding father. He started walking back towards Sam.

“Looks like we’ve got an eavesdropper.” 

The color in Sam’s face disappeared as he wondered how much of that conversation you actually heard, and he migrated to the window to preoccupy himself with anything—that is, anything but you. “I’m flattered that you guys care so much about what happens with me and all,” you glanced quickly at Sam. “but don’t you kind of think I should have the final say on my life?”

Dean looked from you, to Sam, and back to you. “Well, I think you two have a lot to talk about, and I’ve made my opinion on all of this very clear. Y/N, I’m sure Sammy can fill you in.” He clapped his hand on your shoulder for a moment as he left you and Sam alone.

You stayed in the doorway watching Sam just stare out the window. The silence seemed endless and conversation seemed impossible. You slowly turned to leave the room thinking there was no point in feeling this awkward and uncomfortable.

“How much?” You turned back and looked at Sam who was still facing the window as if he hadn’t say anything. “How much of that conversation did you hear?” He finally looked over at you. His eyes were intense with apologies, sorrow, uncertainty, fear, and—what you could only assume could be based on what he said—love. “Y/N?” You just stared back into his puppy dog eyes and let the intensity of your eye contact answer his question. He ran his hand over his face and through his hair as he paced the room, unsure of what to say next.

“You aren’t putting me in the line of fire, you know,” you said quietly.

“Huh?”

“What you said about putting me in the line of fire? You aren’t. And it’s not your responsibility to protect me. If I die, it’ll be my own fault. Hell, if I die—“

“That’s just it, Y/N. ‘If you die.’ I can’t stand the thought of you dying because Dean and I introduced you to the supernatural world. If we hadn’t come to your door, you wouldn’t have been kidnapped by a demon and none of this would have happened.”

“If you hadn’t come to my door I would’ve been dead already. Tyler would’ve killed me. Like it or not, Sam, you coming to my door was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. And like it or not, all of this is happening! Which, by the way, where do you get off? Saying all of that and then telling Dean—“

“You weren’t supposed to hear any of what Dean and I were saying! I’m sorry that this is the situation we are all in! I’m sorry that I want to protect you all the time when you clearly don’t want me to! I’m sorry that you overheard that conversation! I’m sorry that I'm falling in love with you!”

You both just sat there in silence, staring at each other. You secretly hoped he would grab you and hold you in one of his famous bear hugs, but he didn’t. Instead he rubbed his eyes and merely said, “I’m sorry I yelled at you just now.” With that he left the room.

You walked downstairs in a daze. Dean was sitting in the living room pretending to be bored with Dr. Sexy MD as he half-heartedly flipped the pages of an ancient book. You kept your head down hoping that Dean would just let you slip by, but he noticed you and almost immediately shut off the TV and tossed the book aside. “Y/N, uhh… I think it’s about time we had a conversation, man to, well, you.”

For a moment you just stood there giving him a look that says you weren’t in the mood for this, and then you sauntered over and sat down. 

“Okay, first of all, this is not some movie cliché chick flick moment.This is you and me getting the lay of the land. Look, I know you are a smart person and you heard a hundred percent of that conversation. And I see no reason why we can’t all be adults about this—“

“Adults about what?” With the sound of flapping wings Castiel appeared next to Dean who jerked around in shock.

“Dammit Cas!” he growled and ran his hand down his face before turning back to you awkwardly.

Cas didn’t seem to realize he’d interrupted anything and just looked from the two of you with a look of confusion on his face until something seemed to click in his brain and his eyes widened.

“Oh!” he said in quiet awe. “Are we talking about the pizza man?”

Dean’s face flushed red but you didn’t understand. But before you could ask what he meant Dean shook his head and spoke frantically.

“No! No Cas we’re not talking about…that. Look can Y/N and I have a conversation for a second?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded.

“Oh, you’re discussing whether or not Y/N is a suitable hunter.”

“Yeah—uh—no—Y/N help me out here!” He looked to you and you sighed, leaning back and folding your arms in front of your chest.

“You called me in here, Dean. You explain it to him, he’s your boyfriend.”

Dean immediately flushed a deeper red and cleared his throat awkwardly.

“He is not my—this isn’t the point Y/N!”

Castiel however didn’t seem put off by your assumption. “Dean and I do share a more profound bond but I believe the term boyfriend is a romantic one yes? And Dean and I are in no way romantically affiliated,” he said calmly and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit seeing Dean scrambling for words but Castiel being stoic as ever. “But on the issue of Y/N’s hunting I believe it would be a superb idea. The Winchesters always need a third to get them through the day,” he grinned at you.

“Or a fifth in this case,” you said, standing up. “Okay so it’s settled I’d make a great hunter now can I go back to memorizing the exorcism please?” But as you made to leave the room Dean stepped in front of you.

“Whoa easy there tiger we aren’t done here. Hunting aside let’s talk about you and Sam for a second kay?” Dean said sternly and turned to Cas. “Cas you can stay or go but please for the love of God sit down and shut up.” Castiel hesitated for a moment and then plopped himself down on the nearest chair, watching Dean like a kid watching his favorite program on television. Dean sighed and turned back to you and you sat down again.

“Anyway, Y/N, Sammy—“

“I am fully aware of how Sam feels for me. Are we done now?” You had no idea what Dean wanted to talk about, but you really didn’t want anyone else’s opinion on what you should and shouldn’t do anymore. This was especially something you wanted to work out on your own instead of getting a lecture from Dean.

“No, we are not done. Would it kill you guys to let me finish my sentence without being interru—“

“Alright, who—“

“Jesus! Is everyone going to weigh in on my life today?!” you yelled as Bobby walked into the room cutting off Dean. 

“I was just asking who drank the last beer, Y/N. I didn’t mean to interrupt whatever was going on here.” All you could do was roll your eyes. Before anyone could attempt finishing another sentence you dashed out of the room back into the panic room.

You slammed the door to the room and punched the wall a few times in frustration. Sam loved you and as much as you wanted to act on it you know you couldn’t jump into something so soon after Tyler. And there was the fact that Tyler was still looking for you to reclaim his ownership of you—or at least he’d try and so would that demon. If Cas believed you would make a great hunter, then you certainly could take out an abusive boyfriend. On that note, you knew you would make a great hunter if everyone would just give you a chance. Not to mention the demon that was hot on your trails, eager to use you as Winchester bait. And why would Bobby even assume you drank the last beer anyway?

You plopped down and decided the best thing for your mind right now would be brushing up on a little demon knowledge. After all, getting rid of the demon seemed like the best start on sorting everything out. Who knows, maybe dealing with that would also end up dealing with Tyler.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: THIS CHAPTER HAS PARTS THAT HAVE BEEN REWRITTEN (those who have read this before will know what I'm talking about)

“Wait, can you actually summon demons as well as expel them?” you asked quickly, your interest piqued. “Why would you want to summon a demon?” You had finally come upstairs after Bobby announced dinner was ready. There was still no sign of Sam, but you assumed the boys had been in contact which was why they weren’t worried.

 

Bobby shrugged, “Get information, find other demons, bait…that kind of thing. You trap them in something called a devil’s trap.” As he spoke he drew a pentagram on a sheet of paper surrounded by a circle with weird marks in certain sections. You watched carefully. “They can’t smoke out when you’ve got ‘em in one of these.”

“And they can’t get out? No matter what?” You were siphoning up information quickly.

If they’re strong enough they can, but the lower level mooks can’t get it up for the devil’s trap, no,” Dean said and you smiled to yourself.

“Very interesting,” you said quietly and though Dean looked at you suspiciously he said nothing.

All this demon talk had given you an idea. So when no one was looking you snuck the demon summoning from Bobby and slowly gathered items over the next few days. Turns out Dean was right about Bobby being a hoarder and just so happened to have everything you needed for the spell. Getting the materials out of the house without the boys knowing was difficult and you were nearly caught when Bobby caught you sneaking up to your room with a bundle of herbs under your jacket. You’d told him you were making tea from scratch like your mom used to before she died and he’d shut up about it. After a few days you finally had everything you needed tucked away underneath your bed. Now all you needed was a safe place to do it.

Instead of waiting for Tyler to find you again you decided the only way to get this done was to face your fears and go to him. It was only a few hours from Bobby’s to a bar Tyler had frequented and you figured if he was going to be anywhere it was there. Somehow you managed to sneak everything into the impala. As you shut the trunk, you hear someone approaching you from behind.

“Y/N?”

You froze; you were expecting to hear Dean since you were trying to steal his baby—maybe even Bobby—but not Sam.

“What do you want, Sam?” you demanded.

He held up his hands apologetically. “Look, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but I also know that you aren’t collecting herbs to make tea.” He looked knowingly at you and your blush confirmed his assumptions. “Y/N, whatever you’re planning if you’re hiding it from us it can’t be good. Even if you don’t want me to know exactly what you’re up to you should let me come with you. Whatever this is…you shouldn’t have to go at it alone.”

You took into account Sam’s slumped shoulders and how he couldn’t quite meet your gaze but you also noticed how he was offering to help you even though you had shut him out and shouted at him and all but denied his proclamation of love. Though this was something you wanted to tackle alone, and Sam was in fact the last person you would’ve asked to help. But he was right. You were facing your biggest fear and truthfully you didn’t want to go at it alone. So you nodded.

“Hop in,” you told him and he slid in the passenger seat.

You drove in silence for a while but after about a half hour Sam spoke up.

“So I’m guessing we’re going to find Tyler right?” he asked and though you said nothing your silence was answer enough. “And the stuff you stole from Bobby…it’s for a demon summoning spell.” You stayed silent. “You’re trying to kill two birds with one stone huh? Exorcise the demon and what…kill Tyler?”

“I don’t know,” you answered quietly, admitting it finally. “But that demon is still out there and it’ll hurt more people if we don’t do something about it.”

Sam nodded in understanding. “And Tyler?”

Your hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I need to see him. If I don’t face what he did then I can’t ever move on. I want him to see that he doesn’t own me anymore, that I’m free of him.”

“Are you?” Sam asked quietly and your head snapped in his direction.

“What?” you demanded and he shrugged.

“Y/N, you still wake up screaming sometimes, and I’ve seen the way you look at Dean when he gets worked up, even Bobby. You don’t flinch away from them anymore but you still get nervous when someone raises their voice. I don’t like seeing you like that Y/N—“

“Coming from the guy who hit me himself?” you snapped. That shut Sam up quick and you instantly felt bad. “I’m sorry, that was low—“

Sam cut you off. “No, I deserve it. Y/N, I can’t apologize enough I never meant to hurt you and—“

“I know, Sam,” you sighed. “Truth be told, I’ve had a hard time not forgiving you. I tried to tell myself that I should hate you, that I should leave and never come back but the truth is…I know that it wasn't you. And after hearing what you said to Dean…I can’t help but forgive you. But it’s going to take me some time to trust you again, Sam. And I’m not going to apologize for how I feel, I’ve done enough of that.”

“Of course,” Sam said and changed the subject. “So when we see Tyler…what’s the plan?”

“Lure him away, I guess,” you said awkwardly. “It shouldn’t be too hard to get him to follow me. There’s an old warehouse about a block away we can use. We’ve just gotta get him there.”

“Why don’t you let me deal with that part?” Sam suggested. “There’s no way to tell how he’ll react to seeing you again…”

“Good thinking,” you said, not really wanting Tyler to follow you alone.

When you got to the bar Tyler’s car was parked out front as you knew it would be. You took a deep breath and Sam put his hand on your knee.

“It’s going to be okay, Y/N,” he consoled you. “I won’t let him hurt you.”

You nodded awkwardly and got out of the impala without another word. Sam followed you inside, the two of you sitting down at the bar, scanning the room for Tyler. Sure enough he was sitting at the other end of the bar, drinking what seemed to be one of many drinks. He was a bit wobbly on his feet but you knew he wasn’t near drunk enough to not recognize you if he saw you. Sam saw you fidget and took your hand. His touch made you feel better and you took another deep breath.

“Two beers please,” Sam ordered as you were still watching Tyler intently.

You didn’t know what you expected to feel when you saw him again. Fear maybe. Or anger. You felt both but not as intensely as you’d assumed you would. You also felt a sense of relief at the fact that you weren’t a blubbering puddle of tears upon seeing him again. In fact despite your nerves, you felt strong. It felt good to be able to separate yourself from him and knowing what you were going to do made it easier to look at him again.

“Here you go,” the bartender brought your drinks and set them down. “Y/N?” Your head snapped to him. “What are you doing here?” he asked and you remembered Tyler had brought you here a few times until he decided to hook up with other girls and leave you at home while he went out.

“Nothing, Tony,” you answered but you saw Tyler’s head snap in your direction at the sound of you voice and Tony’s recognition. “Just catching up with friends.”

“Well, welcome back to town. That’s on me,” he said, pointing at your beer and you thanked him as he walked away.

Tyler’s gaze met yours for a moment and he seemed to sober up instantly. You made eye contact for a long moment, not breaking away until he did. His eyes roamed to Sam who was staring back too and he grinned slightly but didn’t move towards you. You and Sam finished your beers and as Tyler’s friends left or got kicked out Sam nodded at you.

“C’mon, now or never,” he said and you followed up out of the bar. Sure enough Tyler was following.

You and Sam made it to the back alley and waited behind a dumpster. You heard footsteps getting nearer and your heart sped up when a voice called out.

“I know you’re out here!” Tyler shouted. “C’mon let’s do this right, work it out. I know you’re here for me.”

You stepped out from behind the dumpster, Sam right behind you and Tyler smiled at you. With little to no hesitation, you met his gaze and held it. He clapped his hands slowly, mocking you.

“Congratulations. You proved me right after all. You’re a worthless whore just like I thought.” He looked at Sam. “I’d thank you for taking her off my hands, but what you really did was steal from me.”

Sam fumed next to you. “She’s not your property, you bastard.”

You put a hand on his arm to calm him down. Tyler just laughed.

“You so sure about that, agent?” Tyler enunciated the word ‘agent’ and Sam swallowed. “Yeah that’s right, that demon told me everything. You and your brother aren’t too popular downstairs. But that’s not what this is about right? This is about revenge isn’t it, Y/N?” He cocked his head at you, amused. “And for what? Because you got thrown around a little?” he laughed. “Y/N, that was nothing compared to what could’ve happened!” He paused, clearly waiting for you to speak. You didn’t give him that satisfaction. However, he didn’t need you to prompt him and kept speaking.

Tyler took a few steps towards you and you forced yourself not to retreat, telling yourself you could take him if he got too close, or at least Sam could.

“Oh Y/N…” Tyler sighed, his eyes wide. “Did you honestly think that demon was going to stop at just cutting you? Sweetheart, if those two apes hadn’t interrupted we would’ve taken things a whole hell of a lot further.” You noticed how he was now using ‘we’, speaking of himself and the demon as one entity. “We could’ve put those ropes to much better use…” He licked his lips, grinning grossly at you like you were a piece of meat. “To tell you the truth I’ve fantasized about tying you down a couple a times. It’s annoying as hell to have you fight back.”

You hadn’t realize how close he’d gotten to you until he reached out and gripped your chin in his hand. There was hardly a moment for you to react before Sam lunged forward and was on him, putting him in a headlock and knocking him out cold.

~~~

You finished spraying the devil’s trap underneath the unconscious Tyler who Sam was tying to a chair in the centre. You had the bowl filled with the ingredients to summon the demon and the page with the incantation open in front of you. As an extra precaution you’d even brought the sheet with the exorcism written on it just in case your mind went blank. You’d told Sam you wanted to be the one to do this, so he was to leave you to it and not finish the exorcism or anything unless your life was in danger. If everything went according to plan it shouldn’t be but still…good to have a back-up plan.

As Sam finished tying Tyler up and moved out of the devil’s trap, careful not to smudge the paint, you took a deep breath and pulled out the matches, ready to light the flame and summon the demon. Sam stood next to you and put his hand on your shoulder.

“Ready?” he asked and you took a deep breath before nodding. Sam made to light the match but you stopped him. “Wait,” you said. “I want to talk to Tyler first.”

Sam looked hesitant but nodded and you walked forward, splashing some water on Tyler’s face. He jolted awake and sputtered, looking around in a panic until his eyes landed on you and he sighed, laughing slightly.

“Well I gotta hand it to you, Y/N…” he said with a smile. “I underestimated you. I mean I knew you always were a worthless piece of shit but to end up on a demon’s hit list?” He cocked his head. “It seems I’m not the only one who sees you for the useless pile of garbage that you are. Granted I did enjoy having you around…it’s nice to have complete power over someone. Especially someone who’s too weak to do anything about it.”

You knew he was trying to rile you up but strangely his words had little to no effect on you, even when those words were the same ones the demon had spoken when it was possessing Sam. But Sam was behind you and you could practically feel the anger radiating off of him and you knew he wanted nothing more than the put a bullet in Tyler’s brain but you had made him promise not to interfere. So you let Tyler go on.

“I figured you’d come back to me,” he was saying. “But I’d hoped you’d come crawling, begging me to take you back. Since I’m the only one who could ever love someone as worthless and defective as you.”

“Man, you really like to hear yourself talk don’t you?” you said quietly, only now realizing how much he droned on. Before you’d convinced yourself that you liked to hear him, that listening was a girlfriend’s job. Now it was just tedious.

Tyler’s eyes brightened when you spoke. “Ah so she does speak! I’ll tell you what, that demon was right about one thing…hearing you scream was better than anything else. He truly was a master of torture and it opened my eyes to all kinds of things. Mainly how much you deserved what I did to you. And how much I deserve to be worshiped. He made me see that I was the king in our relationship and all you did was fuck it up. He made me see that I deserve to be treated like a god! And that I can have the power to become one.”

His whole speech was just tedious and though there was a pang of hurt at his words, you ignored it and sighed.

“You’re not a god, Tyler,” you said, louder now. “You’re not a king and you don’t have power. Especially not over me.”

He just clucked his tongue. “Don’t lie to yourself, Y/N,” he said, smiling. “I own you, I made you what you are and you owe everything to me. You’d be nothing without me.”

“I was nothing with you!” you snapped. “You tore me down, beat me daily and took away my will to live. But you know what’s amazing about all of that?” You took a few steps towards him and gripped his chin in your hand, like he’d done to you so many times. “I found myself. I discovered I don’t need anyone to be happy with myself, and I deserve love and happiness. I found people who care about me. You didn’t ruin me Tyler. You can’t ruin me. Because you’re nothing, just a bad memory.”

He jerked out of your grip but you turned around and walked back to Sam, who was staring at you with a look of awe and pride on his face. You took the matches from him and lit one.

“I’m not a memory, you bitch!” Tyler shouted. “I’m right here! And I will haunt you ‘til the day you die!”

“Go right ahead,” you said and dropped the match into the bowl, shielding your eyes when the flames leapt up out of it.

Nothing happened at first and you wondered if it worked but then Tyler grunted and his head fell to his chest. You took a step forward into the devil’s trap but jumped back when his head snapped up, his eyes pitch black.

“Well well well,” he said. “Back in my favourite meat suit…and summoned by my favourite chew toy!” the demon cried, smiling at you. “To what do I owe the pleasure? Ready for round two slut? Oh wait...round three.” he slurred and Sam made to strike him but you put your hand on his arm, stopping him.

“Actually yes,” you said calmly, picking up a bottle of holy water and splashing it on him. He screamed. “But this time I’m in charge.” You poured more water on him and he cried out, his skin sizzling like he was being burned.

“Oh bitch has a bite!” he yelled and laughed. “But it’s not really me you want revenge on is it?” he said, smiling. “Wouldn’t you rather torture Tyler? After all, he’s tortured you for years…wouldn’t it feel good to cut into him like he did you?”

You hesitated, listening to the demon’s words with bated breath. He had a point. Sure it felt good to tell Tyler he had no power over you anymore but it would feel a whole lot better to cut his flesh and watch him bleed. You were conflicted. As you stood there thinking, the demon kept talking.

“You know you want to, Y/N,” he purred. “Go ahead…pick up that knife and cut him open. It’ll feel good, you know it will.”

You wanted to reach out and grab the knife and do as he suggested but you stopped yourself.

“No,” you said loudly. “I do that and I’m no better than him or you. I came here to end this and that’s what I’m going to do.” With that you started saying the exorcism and the demon twitched and jerked, clearly in pain. But you only got a few lines in when you and Sam were thrown against the wall. With your head ringing it was difficult to see what was happening but through your blurry vision you saw the demon break the ropes, stand up and start walking towards you.

“You know, you should really watch where you step around a wet devil’s trap…” he cooed and you looked at your shoe, seeing red paint smeared on the bottom of your sole. You must’ve stepped in it at some point.

“Exorcizamus te…” you coughed. “omnis immundus spiritus…” The demon walked over and put his hand around your throat and you stopped talking. He lifted you up effortlessly and pinned you to the wall.

“Nuh uh, not gonna work sweetheart,” he said, squeezing and dropped you on the ground.

Sam tried to stab him with the knife but he flung him back to the floor with a flick of his wrist, the knife clattering to the ground at his feet. The demon slowly started to circle you.

“I’m going to take my time this time, make it enjoyable for Tyler and me. We deserve this.” He put his hands to his mouth and closed his eyes, as though imagining what he would do to you. “You’re more trouble than you’re worth sweetheart. But don’t worry, Tyler and I aren’t going to rush this. We’re going to send you screaming to hell bitch.”

A sudden burst of adrenaline shot through you and you lunged forward, grabbing the knife and stabbing it right through Tyler’s chest.

Tyler’s body lit up for a split second, flickered, and then he dropped to the ground, both he and the demon gone for good. You stood there breathing heavily for a moment, before falling to the floor, feeling like your chest was going to explode. Sam sat up, groaning and upon seeing you on the floor rushed over.

“Y/N!” he cried, kneeling next to you, his hands fluttering over you like he was checking to see if you were hurt but was afraid to touch you. “Y/N, are you okay!?”

Though you were close to a panic attack and couldn’t tear your eyes off Tyler’s limp body, you nodded.

“I—I’m not hurt,” you clarified. “He didn’t hurt me.”

Sam looked from you to the body and back to you in shock.

“Y/N, that was incredible,” he breathed, in complete awe of you. “You stood up to two of your abusers and resisted the urge to give in to slicing Tyler open! Hell, I was about to pick up a knife myself.”

“I almost did,” you admitted. “I wanted so badly to make him suffer like I did…I can’t believe I killed him!” You covered your eyes with your hands and felt the tears fall, letting the full impact of what you’d done crash over you. Sam put his arm around you and rubbed your arm comfortingly. “I’m a murderer…” you whispered but Sam shook his head.

“You killed a monster. Two monsters actually. Tyler wasn’t any better than that demon, and if I’ve learned one thing from hunting it’s that the worst monsters are human.”

You took a deep breath, raking your fingers through your hair and gripping the strands tightly. Your chest felt like it was about to explode and you couldn’t get enough oxygen to your lungs. Dry sobs wracked your body and you lurched over, grasping at your stomach. Sam seemed at a loss of what to do. When you looked up at him, a sudden burst of rage and guilt washed over you and you pushed him away.

“Human!” you shouted and Sam looked confused. You shoved him again, both of you now on your feet. “Human, Sam!”

Sam just shook his head. “I, uh…I don’t understand.”

“He was human, Sam! Tyler was flesh and blood human and I murdered him! You’re telling me it’s okay because he happened to have some of the same viewpoints as a demon? Jesus Sam! Killing a demon I can deal with because he was eventually going to possess someone else, but Tyler was human! You say he was no better than the demon because of what he did, but look at what I did! I murdered him and you’re convincing me it’s okay…” you took a deep breath, taking a few steps away from Sam. “I could deal with all the demon-hunting, daddy issues, and the stolen credit cards. Hell, I could even deal with the demon hitting me because all it did was make me stronger, but this…Sam, I can’t believe this. I’m a murderer, Sam!” 

Sam shook his head desperately. “Y/N, you are not a murderer! You were acting in self-defense; even if you weren’t, no one would blame you for this! Tyler and that demon kidnapped and tortured you! No one would begrudge you the chance to get revenge!” 

“When normal people want out of a situation like that, they get a restraining order or move to a different state; they don’t fucking kill them!” you screamed, your voice hoarse. “And they certainly don’t get into a car with two so-called FBI agents. You two could’ve been serial killers—scratch that you two probably are serial killers—and stupid little me just had to get in the car with you! God, I’m so stupid!”

Sam came to you quickly and put his hands on your upper-arms and tightened his grip when you tried to pull away. But you kept fighting him and eventually he released your arms, the two of you breathing hard. Without thinking you pushed on Sam’s chest forcefully. “You took it too far!” You began to bang on his chest. “I thought this was good, but you took it way. Too. Far! You turned me into him!” You hit him harder and harder, and then you froze mid-strike. “No… You made me worse than him.” You put your hands over your mouth and slowly backed away from Sam, just staring at the ground. Sam took two steps toward you looking extremely frightened at your response. “Y/N—“ 

“No! You stay away from me…” You were still backing away slowly. “He hurt me, but he didn’t kill me…” You kept mumbling to yourself as your vision became blurry with tears. You hadn’t even noticed Sam rushing to your side until he gently placed his hand on your shoulder. Without thinking you yelled: “No!” and swung your arm until your hand collided with his face. Sam didn’t respond, other than to look confused and hurt, but you saw a hint of empathy there as well. He didn’t stop you as you smacked his chest, once, twice, at least a dozen times, tears streaming down your face the entire time. “I h-hate you!” you sobbed, continuing to hit him. He took the blows with barely a flinch, just letting you vent. “I…hate…you…” Your voice was giving out and you collapsed against his chest. He gripped your elbows to keep you up, but realized you were too spent to stay up and slid to the ground, cradling you into his chest.

“Shh,” he cooed gently. “Shh, I’ve got you sweetheart, I’ve got you.” He continued to console you, ignoring the fact that you were gripping his shirt so tightly you’d probably permanently warped the fabric. Despite everything you’d just said about hating him and blaming him for everything that had happened, you were holding on to him for dear life. When you quietened a bit, he stroked his hand across the back of your head and raked his fingers through your hair.

“You don’t really hate me right?” he whispered. “I’m not really the one you’re mad at.”

You shook your despondently. “I could never hate you, Sam. But I am mad at you.”

He nodded. “I deserve that, and much worse. You have every right to be angry with me, Y/N.”

“I told you that I forgave you for what you did…and it’ll still take me some time to trust you again…but this helped. Thank you Sam, for being here with me. And for not looking at me any differently.”

“Of course, Y/N,” he said and you hugged him again, revelling in the fact that it was in fact over.

Sam helped you up and pulled the knife out of Tyler’s chest. He wiped the blood off on his jeans and stuck it back in his belt. He’d obviously done this before, for he produced a bottle of gasoline and began pouring it over the body and the surrounding floor. You stared at him in awe.

“Hand me those matches, would you?” he asked and you hurried to do it. He finished pouring the gasoline and motioned for you to follow him to the door. He lit a match and threw it into the abandoned room, watching the flames start to engulf the space.

“Better not to leave any evidence,” he explained and you took a deep breath, watching the building burn, your past with it. Sam turned to you as you watched the flames.

You were reeling over the fact that you had not only killed a demon but a human being, monstrous as he was. Tyler was flesh and blood human and you hadn’t hesitated before stabbing him in the chest and torching his body after the fact. Sam had said that the worst monsters were human…did this make you a monster too? Obviously Sam was used to this type of thing, but you on the other hand…this would haunt you and you knew it. While it felt amazing to finally be rid of Tyler once and for all, you couldn’t help the hard knot in your stomach.

“Look, Y/N, I know what you’re feeling right now,” Sam said and you shook your head but he nodded. “Yes I do. Trust me, I’ve been hunting for a while. You’re feeling like you didn’t do the right thing, that you’re a monster. And let me tell you Y/N…You. Are. Not. A. Monster. You did the right thing, believe me. You made the world a little safer and faced your fears and I am so, so proud of you.” He smiled a small little smile at you, full of pride and you immediately broke down in tears. Sam pulled you into his arms. You wrapped your arms around him and held on for dear life.

Sam kissed the top of your head and you melted into his arms. When you finally pulled back he kissed your forehead lightly.

“I love you, Y/N. I don’t want you to ever forget that. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this and that I was a part of it…but you’re safe now, I can promise you that.” He smiled at you and you didn’t hesitate before going up on tiptoes, and flinging your arms around his neck and kissing his mouth softly.

“Thank you, Sam,” you whispered when you pulled back and he smiled but you held up a finger. “This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook though! It’s still going to take a while before I can trust you!”

Sam nodded seriously. “Of course. But…” he leaned in again. “Can we get back to the forgiving me part?” you laughed and leaned in to kiss him again but his phone rang shrilly, shocking you both out of your moment. “Hello?” he answered and you heard Dean’s voice shout from the speaker.

“WHERE IS MY CAR?!” he yelled and you couldn’t help but laugh. Sam smoothed over the situation, telling Dean you’d be home in a few hours and hung up on Dean spewing profanities and threats if Baby had even one scratch on her. Sam looked at your face and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, seeing your eyebrows creased with worry.

“Nothing it’s just…” you swallowed. “Demons and abusive exes are one thing…but I don’t think I’m prepared to take on Dean when I stole his car!”

Sam stared at you for a moment and then the two of your burst out laughing.

~~~

The second the Impala pulled up, Dean raced outside, past you, to inspect his baby. Sam went ahead after clapping his hand on your shoulder and giving you a heart-warming smile. You waited for Dean. After he seemed content with the Impala’s condition he made his way back towards the house.

“Dean I—“ He walked straight passed you giving you the cold shoulder. You huffed and followed him inside, racing after him down the hall, into the kitchen where Sam waited.

“Dean, let me explain!” you called and he spun around, face red and finger raised in a scolding gesture.

“There is a line, Y/N!” he shouted, and you tried to keep from laughing. His face was like that of a child who’d just had his favourite toy stolen and you were having trouble not finding it hilarious. “There are some things you don’t mess with, number one being a man’s car! I mean, what the hell was so important you had to hijack Baby? That was just downright stupid, Y/N!”

“Dean…” Sam interjected but you held up your hand.

“No, Sam. Let him talk.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest, and waved your hand, inviting Dean to continue.

Dean took a deep breath and began his rant. “Y/N, I can’t believe how inconsiderate you were! I mean if you’d asked I would’ve—okay I probably wouldn’t have let you take the car, but I would have at least jumped one for you! You were only thinking of yourself! We’ve been nothing but good to you and you go and steal my freaking car? Dammit, Y/N that’s just…low! There is nothing you could’ve possibly needed the car right at that moment for without even asking me if you could use it!”

“Tyler’s dead,” you deadpanned and Dean was left looking like a fish out of water, his mouth hanging open. “I tracked him down and summoned the demon. They’re both dead. Sam and I burned the warehouse so there isn’t any evidence. I’m not fine by the way, I’m actually pretty fucking far from okay but don’t worry, your precious car is fine!” With that you stomped away from him. You were fully aware you behaviour was childish but you didn’t care. You’d been beaten down enough for a lifetime, and you weren’t going to stand there and let Dean shout at you for doing what you were starting to accept was the right thing. Sam followed after you.

You ran up the stairs, ignoring Bobby in the hallway and Sam chasing after you. The door slammed behind you, shaking on its hinges and you threw yourself down on the bed. You slammed a pillow over your face and let out a shriek, barely muffled by the fabric. Letting that out felt amazing so you did it again, screaming until you couldn’t breathe. All your energy was invested in screaming so you didn’t notice Bobby had opened the door and was leaning against the doorframe, holding a mug in his hands.

“Figured you could use some hot chocolate,” he said, smiling, and you sighed, accepting the cup and taking a swig; it was amazing.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“I heard you downstairs. Now, I’m not one for prying so I won’t ask you to go into details, I just wanted to come up here and tell you I’m proud of you. You were extremely strong, Y/N, and you did good.” His eyes crinkled in a wide smile and you wiped the stray tears off your cheeks.

“Thank you, Bobby,” you said quietly and he nodded.

“Drink up,” he said, pointing at the mug, and left, leaving the door open a crack behind him.

Once you drank your hot chocolate you felt much better and slipped off your shoes, snuggling into the covers. You felt on edge, like Tyler or the demon would pop out of nowhere and attack you, angry at your failed murder attempt. Finally, you threw the blankets off yourself and slipped out of the room, tiptoeing downstairs where you found Dean curled up on the couch with a drink in his hands. He smiled apologetically when he saw you.

“I can’t sleep,” you said quietly, almost ashamed. “I was looking for Sam.”

Dean nodded sadly, taking a swig of whiskey. “He went to bed, Bobby too.”

You nodded, heading back upstairs to find Sam. “Thanks.”

“Y/N-“ Dean called, leaning forward and you turned slightly, not facing him completely. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted like I did. That car means a lot to me but I should’ve known you wouldn’t have taken it unless it was for something really important. I had no right to yell at you and you were most definitely not being selfish or stupid.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean fidgeted and scratched at the back of his neck. “So do you, uh…wanna talk about it?”

You sighed and shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself tightly. “Not really, no.” 

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” he asked and you shrugged.

“I keep seeing Tyler…” you whispered and Dean nodded.

“C’mere,” he said, pulling a blanket off the back of the couch and when you sat down next to him he wrapped it around the two of you tightly, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he started singing quietly in your ear.

“Now if you ever tell anyone about this I'll deny the whole thing but...I used to sing for Sammy when he got scared. Always seemed to calm him down. If it annoys you, you can tell me to stop.”

You shook your head, your eyes already closing. “I don’t mind.”

Dean continued to sing and you drifted off quickly, cuddled into his side.

When you woke up, Dean was gone but the blanket was tucked tightly around you with a mug of coffee on the table next to you. You sat up and stretched, gulping down the coffee. Sam came in with Dean following close behind, both of them looking excited and awkward and you raised your eyebrows.

“What’s going on?” you asked. “Sam, why do you look more like an excited puppy than usual?”

“I do not—“ Sam started to say but Dean cut him off.

“Dude you totally do. Look Y/N we had a question to ask you—“

“We totally understand if you don’t want to answer us right now, we get it’s a big decision-“

“But we want you to know we’d love it if you would—“

“But no pressure—“

“Oh god, this is painful to watch,” Bobby said from the other side of the room. “Y/N, what these two idjits are trying to ask you is if you’d—“

“If you’d consider sticking around,” Sam finished and you looked at them, still not fully understanding.

“Stick around? Like—“

“Like move in with us,” Dean said and you smiled. “Permanently.”

“Really?” You still couldn’t believe they were asking you this. “Are you sure?”

“One-hundred percent,” Sam said, smiling widely. “We’d love to have you.”

You jumped up, smiling and had to refrain from leaping at them. As it was, you nearly knocked Dean over with your hug and Sam had to back up as you leapt at him, throwing your arms around his neck. You pressed your lips to his tightly and he smiled into the kiss. You heard Dean clear his throat.

“Okay but if you’re gonna be squatting here, there needs to be a lot less of that,” he said but you just laughed, clinging to Sam and feeling content for the first time since you could remember in a long time.


	8. UPDATE ----> REWRITES

Hi guys! So this was one of the first fics I ever wrote and because of that I didn't have a good grasp on the characters, so some of the choices I made in this fic were not all that great. (i.e. Sam hitting the reader) So...to remedy this I have rewritten parts of chapters 5, 6 and 7! The overall story is still the same but I tried to make it truer to canon and Sam's character. Those of you who have read this before will know exactly what changes I'm talking about. And if you're a first time reader, welcome! 

Thank you to all of you who have left kudos, commented and sent me messages! I truly appreciate it! Let me know what you think about the rewrites!

(I also take requests! If you have a story you'd like to request you can send them to amorluzymelodia.tumblr.com/ask and I'll try to get to them!)


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